As thriving beings, intimacy is one of the most important things our souls will always crave. A relationship needs intimacy. Intimate relationships allow partners to become very deeply acquainted & connected to the innermost soul or spirit. Within a good relationship or marriage, there will be several elements of intimacy which will keep it nurtured.
Simple physical affections such as hand-holding, cuddling, hugs and kisses are important to your relationship. These simple actions let you and your partner know that you’re there for one another, that you matter to the other. Intimacy is what helps love to survive through the toughest of times, and makes us continue to want to love and be loved by our partners.
Without intimacy, there is never the security in the relationship of knowing that the other person is there for you, or of knowing that they truly love you. This is why a relationship without intimacy on both levels is pretty much doomed to failure. Once intimacy is lost or if it never existed in a relationship, it takes a lot of determination and commitment to get intimacy back in the relationship. After all, intimacy in a relationship is what human-beings crave, it’s a basic need that must be met for any relationship to succeed.
So let’s look at some of the various types of intimacy we will seek with our partners.
Intimacy in Love & Romance
Intimate relationships serve a great purpose in our human experience and existence. When we talk about being intimate in a romantic relationship, we often associate it to physical intimacy, but physical intimacy is just one form of intimacy.
Intimacy is a process whereby we feel truly seen, heard & known by and connected to, our God, partner or on a more basic level, to a group; and this can manifest in many ways. When the emotion of romance is blended with the feelings of love and the joys of physical intimacy, then this can be GENIUS.
To create the ultimate, a great sense of commitment and fidelity is required. For a good intimate, love relationship to be a success, it requires work and one cannot achieve success in anything unless one applies the necessary ingredients of commitment, desire, and most of all HARD WORK…
The online weekly #RelationshipTip program by my humble self (king Joseph) coming back soon…every Sundays as usual – this time stronger like #Nsido?
Lately, a ripple has been created on social media over an underground lamentations by the state party, APC faithfuls claiming the Governor Akinwunmi Ambode-led Administration has abandoned them and the party ‘his Producer’ even to hunger, as against the good foundation and legacies laid down by Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu and Mr Babatunde Fashola (SAN), Primate Charles Odugbesi, JP. Former State Secretary, AC, ACN, APC, through his Facebook account yesterday has decided to help the party faithfuls regain their rights back from the State Governor by breaking the silence. In his ‘second’ post titled; ‘STILL ON ACME MATTER’. Read below:
STILL ON ACME MATTER
I am very shocked at the volume of calls that I have received on my write-up on the situation at Acme, the state headquarters of All Progressives Congress, APC. Let me state here at this juncture that I did not write the article to play to the gallery or to confront or bring down anybody. The truth must be told and I think I am in the position to know the difference between the past administrations and the present one when it comes to party affairs and welfare, at least I administered the Party as Secretary for two terms. .
Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu who started this system knew that he could not reach every party member by sharing money to them, So with food materials distributed only four times a year, he has been able to reach them convincingly. You have to get to people’s hearts before you can ask for their hands. The periods of Xmas, Fasting of Muslims and Christians and Ileya festivals were the best time for Party faithfuls.. A ram and a bag of rice for each ward. I am talking about a ward of more than 1000 members and yet people were very happy for the gesture. Sometime a member may not eat more than a small portion of meat but the fact that their leader put them in mind was their happiness. If anybody thinks that Asiwaju is using juju for people to love him, it is his act of live and let live that made people who have not even met him face to face want to die for him.
Somebody told me on the phone that rams and rice are given to the wards through the ministries. I nearly collapsed. Is the ministry the Party. We are advocating the supremacy of the party and you are relegating that party. I wish the Governor had visited Acme in those good old days when Party chairmen and their people were coming to collect the yuletide items, he would not have changed that system. Those were the times that those who were not party members usually turned to be members. If you do not allow the Party to take of their people how do you want the people to know that Party is supreme. Whoever pays the piper dictates the tune. If the idea is to control the Party outside the Party secretariat, the resultant effect will not be good. Somebody will get hurt from that action.
Party members out there are not very happy and I want the Governor to do something fast to uplift the present status of the Party and that is for his own good. If he constructs express roads in the sky it is only when he wins the primary that the general public he is trying please now will have the opportunity of voting for him. And if he thinks when that time comes he will use money, he should know that party members are wiser now. They will collect the money and consider it their rights and do their wish. Our state leaders who suppose to tell him the right thing are less concerned. Why? They are taken care off and even if he loses the primary it would not affect them because it would not take them any stress to cooperate with the new winner, afterall it is the Party they are working for.
Those who are going round at this time campaigning for his second term should watch peoples’ countenances and give honest report back to His Excellency. IGBORO KO RERIN O. He is doing fantastically well for the state but should not forget his SOURCE. If he sows positively to the Party, the harvest is his. I don talk my own. Call me names if you like but one thing I am sure of is that whatever we do today becomes history tomorrow.
Primate Charles Odugbesi, JP.
Former State Secretary, AC., ACN., APC.
Acceptance, Non-attachment and Healthy Love……………….6
Non-attachment is still Caring………………..……….………………7
And it shouldn’t, anyway!
When I ask most people how they feel about the risk of infidelity, there are two main answers I usually get, although which are most common. The answers are:
1st “I worry about my partner cheating”
2nd “I trust my partner and believe he/she won’t”
At the same time, there are also very small groups who brush it off with “I just try not to think about it” or even “I wouldn’t care,” but trust me, they’re the minority, you dig…#Nsido?
The second viewpoint, “trust,” is what we uphold and sell to each other as the goal, being one of two secrets to a good and successful relationship – the other being COMMUNICATION – as strongly emphasized in the first part of this article (posted on facebook few months back).
But where does the second one get you? You’re still hanging your emotional wellbeing on someone else’s actions, and if they veer off course, you’re surrendering (or rather, denying) agency over your own happiness. And I ask, #Nsido?…answer me naw…smiles…well, never mind – I can construe your muteness.
Any Solution Aside Trust?
Yes, of course, there’s a better solution than trust!
And it’s something closer to love: “I understand what I do and do not control, that I do not control anything outside of me, and I don’t try to change that. I invest my emotional wellbeing in things I control.”
Assuming I’m on a plane as I write this, so let’s take air travel as an example.
There are two main types of air travelers:
1st Traveler: “I am afraid of flying”
2nd Traveler: “I trust that we won’t crash”
Of course, we have a few people who say “I just try not to think about it” or – the truly deranged; “I wouldn’t care if we crashed.”
Let’s take another instance on someone who’s always terrified of flying, despite being a manager in finance and having to occasionally travel for work. You know, this person starts each flight heavily self-medicated and ends each flight emotionally fatigued.
You hear them say, after each landing; “Every time I land safely, I feel like I’ve cheated death”
They’re terrified that they have no control over the situation, and her fear is really desperation for control.
But the truthful truth is, you don’t control the plane. You will never have control over the plane. And in the same sense, you will never have control over another human being! HEY! #Nsido? Don’t argue it – agreed!
A lot of people lean on this one. They point to the statistics – more people die in car accidents than plane crashes – and they reassure themselves “pilots are professionals – they do this every day.” And both of those are true, but what if hell does freeze over? What if that .000001% odd does occur?
To trust is to live in a play-pretend world believing you are special and immune to statistical risk. And maybe you are. Maybe you’re the majority.
And, more importantly, to “trust” alone is to put ourselves at more emotional risk than we need to.
Trusting alone is being over-leveraged and exposed to the heartbreak we’ll experience if it does happen. (And statistically, it could.)
Wanting it, wishing, and hoping aren’t emotional protection.
Where is “trust” going to leave you if the plane is going down, or your partner does cheat? Those subsequent moments are going to be ones of very negative emotions — probably the same ones as the worried woman next to you, except she’ll also be internally (or externally) screaming: “I knew it! I just knew it!”
I am not afraid of flying, but it’s not because I point to the statistics or necessarily even trust the pilots…my brother, a jet pilot in the Air Force, distrusts commercial pilots more than anyone I know. Quote me on this…now!
It’s because I respect the limitations of what I control (now), and I don’t let emotions (anymore) – fear included run wild with what I don’t.
I 101% trust my partner won’t cheat on me. I believe this not only from a position of belief, but rationale. In other words: she is both incredibly loyal and incredibly picky. I trust her (now). But I don’t dump my emotions into what she does.
Just like I also trust that she won’t die in a car accident after I kiss her goodbye in the morning. I believe this, but I also understand that I don’t control this, and I have emotional insurance and a contingency plan in the horrible event that it happens.
I trust. But I also don’t hang my emotional wellbeing on something that is out of my control. NO, I don’t…#Nsido?
I trust that a coffee shop is going to be open. I trust that the street light will turn GREEN – you dig that? I trust that my flight will be on time.
But if it isn’t, it doesn’t destroy me. I deal and don’t hang my emotional wellbeing on external things.
Acceptance, Non-attachment, and Healthy Love
Accept that we have no control over the situation. Look at it, stare it in the face, and say “you belong to the universe, and so do I. Neither you nor the world are my domain.” Lobatan!…#Nsido?
These are the same stance we take with our partners.
It may sound cynical or pessimistic, but it’s not.
It’s not assuming our partner will cheat. It’s still trusting they won’t while respecting that they are their own people, and not confusing our emotions with what we’re actually entitled to.
Trust for Clients – it’s the same way we treat anything else in life …GBAM! I trust that if we make them happy, our clients will want to continue working with us. But I construe that they may one day call me up and say “we’re going with someone else.” Which is not unusual – not in any way, my dear…#Nsido?
Although, it’s very disappointing – so heartbreaking, yeah. It’s fucking shitty like #Nsido? I do anything I can to avoid that happening, in my relationship with anyone (especially with my Partner-in-love) and if it does happen, to bring them back. But at the end of the day, I respect that they are running a business, and make their own decisions.
Understanding isn’t cynicism; it’s respect and care for other beings.
It’s eyes-wide-open and open-hearted and fully honest. And most importantly, it is relaxed. It is relaxed not in a denial or blind optimism or “hoping” kind of way, like “trust”, which leaves us vulnerable to being destroyed emotionally should the thing occur.
It’s looking things straight in the eye and saying “I see you for what you are, not what I wish for, and I accept you either way.”
And this is (real) LOVE. I board each flight knowing full well the risks, and not denying them, and I live my life respecting the fact that it can be taken away. I enter relationships the same way now – NO FEAR of the unknown! Know this, fear of the unknown causes unnecessary distrust and gives room for unexpected heart problems – so why give room for it in the first place, #Nsido?
Remember, there are so many things you cannot change, and LIFE OCCURRENCES are just one of these things, followed by human beings. That reminds me what my younger sibling said some years (2002 to be precise) back while I was trying to scold her for doing something (that she was somehow used to) I thought was wrong in the house. After our Mum’s interference, I just looked at her and said; “you’d better change now before you move to your adulthood (which was just few more years to)…” and instantaneously, she replied me in a joking, but serious tone thus; “why or rather how should I change when I’m not a cloth?” Honestly, to me then, that was not just a response, but a very strong (sharp) WORD from a girl of 15! Even our Mom was shocked (to hear that from her) I turned back to face her with a straight-face question, thus I retorted; “Bidemi, what do you mean you’re not a cloth, so you can not change or what?” and now with laughter, she explained; “shey eyin o mo wipe aso ni eyan le paro, won kii n paro iwa. Nitori pe, eefin ni, no matter how you try to cover it up, o maa ru jade shaa nii, so my lovely brother, you cannot change nature, you can only adjust your ways. However, I’m sorry for my actions.”
Lesson learned from my little Sister! A lot will happen in this life (that we cannot change) and in most cases lots of disappointments, put-downs, heartbreaks, betrayal, backstabbing et al by our loved ones – even the ones we trusted most and least expected any of these things from, and we feel so bad and at times try to change them, but the truth is that we just can’t, hence so many end up in a seemingly worse situation (health-wise and otherwise) they never expected, just because they have trusted and put their lives on someone / something so much as if their lives depend on them, that when these things (put-downs) occur, they find themselves at a crossroad? …#Nsido? (why?), They have trusted so much that they never believed they could be let down by them, let alone prepare for it! Talking from EXPERIENCE here – and experience they say “is the best teacher”! In other words, I have learnt lots of lessons in relationship – still in the process though.
I am independent of my partner. And so, my emotional wellbeing is independent of her actions (now).
7. Non-attachment is still Caring
I would obviously care if my plane went down. I would care if my partner cheated. I would still be afraid if we crashed, and hurt if my partner cheated, but the difference is that, rationale would kick in and remind me, “my partner is her own person, on her own journey. You don’t control her. The only thing you have control over is your own response.”
It’s understanding the domain of our control, the limits to the authority of our emotions, and where to hang our wellbeing. Understanding and respecting the limitations of our control.
We are responsible for our own wellbeing, and we should hang our wellbeing on the thing we control , which is our MINDSET!
We let the rest exist with ACCEPTANCE, which is the same as LOVE.
The online weekly #RelationshipTip program by my humble self (king Joseph) coming back soon…every Sundays as usual – this time, stronger…#Nsido?
The two major obstacles to success and achievement are “fear” & “doubt”.
This is why the average number of times that people try to achieve a new goal is less than one. As soon as they think of the goal, these fears and doubts overwhelm them and like a bucket of water on a small fire, extinguish their desire completely.
Here’s my candid advise, this 2017, try all you can to replace these negative emotions of “FEAR” and “SELF-DOUBT” with positive emotions of “COURAGE” and “SELF-CONFIDENCE” only then can you achieve your goal(s) with unexpected speed.
Reference Quote: “The person interested in #SUCCESS has to learn to view FAILURE as a healthy, inevitable part of the process of getting to the TOP.” – Joyce Brothers
#KingJoseph greets you, how was your day, dear Reader?
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After being part of my awesome 2016, I have decided to also pay you back with this little but helpful piece, to also contribute to your successful new YEAR.
My dear Readers, to really take full advantage of this 2017, you must be ready to be more “CREATIVE” with your set goals…
C – Clarify your GOALS and continue working on being, having, and achieving more and more of the things you have set out (REAL WANTS) to achieve this year.
R – Refuse to rationalize, make excuses and Rise above others OPINIONS (they do not matter).
E – Envy and Enthusiasm: from yourself from negative emotion of ‘envy’ and replace it with the positive emotion of ‘enthusiasm’.
A – Attend as many seminars, workshops and summit for personal and professional growth/development as possible.
T – Take charge of your own life.
Reference Quote: “a man, as a general rule, owes very little to what he is born with – a man is what he makes of himself.” – Alexander Graham Bell.
In other words, ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY! Realize that no one else is responsible, but YOU. After doing this, trust your intuition and forge ahead!
I – Imagine No Limitation and also identify how your own thinking has created your world, then ask yourself this question: “what should or could I change?
V – VALUES: clarify your values in this year (starting from now) and beyond – remember, your values they say determines your beliefs, about yourself and the world around you.
Reference Quote: “one universe made up of all that is: and one God in it all, and one principle of being, and one law, the reason shared by all thinking creatures, and one truth.” – Marcus Aurelius
What are your VALUES?
E – Exhibit the intense burning desire of achieving your goals for the year and ensure consistency.
Above all, make a resolution to FEAR GOD, LOVE OTHERS (too), be KIND (to people) and be more HUMBLE to ALL.
HAPPY AND MORE PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR TO YOU, Sir/Ma.! My prayer is to see and hear from you ‘HAPPILY’ in December 31st (and beyond) by His grace.
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It is reliably gathered that, an Osun State Chief Magistrate Court has issued a warrant of arrest against a first class traditional ruler in the state, the Oluwo of Iwo, Oba Abdulrasheed Akanbi after he failed to show up in court to defend allegations against him.
The arrest warrant is coming days after Chief Magistrate, Olusola Aluko, threatened at the last sitting of the court that if Oba Akanbi failed to appear before him in compliance with the order of the court on November 25, in a case filed against him by the Oluwo of Iwo-Oke, Oba Kadiri Adeoye, he would have no option but to issue a bench warrant for his arrest.
At Tuesday’s sitting, while the applicant, Oba Adeoye, was in court, the Oluwo of Iwo was conspicuously absent, a situation that drew the rage of Magistrate Aluko.
He had at the last sitting sent another monarch, Ologburo of Ogburo, Oba Asimiyu Sadiq, to represent him.
Counsel to the Oluwo of Iwo-Oke, Mr Soji Oyetayo, in his submission urged the court not to entertain any of the applications filed by the respondent until he complies with the order of the court.
He said: “The first respondent (Oba Akanbi) filed an application of stay of proceeding yesterday afternoon, so, I am of the opinion that he is not ready to move any application today.
“Meanwhile, the court made an order on 25 November, 2016 and up till now the order has not been complied with. The application asking for a stay of proceeding cannot stay the order already made.
“The order of the court is meant to be obeyed. The non-appearance of the first respondent in this matter is a flagrant disobedient of the order of the court”.
Counsel to Oba Akanbi, Mr Olayide Yekeen, explained that his client submitted the notice of preliminary objection, challenging the jurisdiction of the court to hear the case on November 15 and that by careful perusal of the State Magistrate Law, Section 19:1, the court could not entertain the matter.
According to him, “it is the threshold of all cases that whenever the issue of jurisdiction is raised, it is to be taken first. On the issue of jurisdiction and the competence of the case, the respondent has the right to be heard first before any enquiry can be made in the matter”.
In his ruling, Magistrate Aluko stated that he agreed with the respondent’s counsel that the issue of jurisdiction must be treated first.
“On the order of the court made on November 25, 2016, the order remained. I hereby issue a bench warrant against the first respondent while further proceeding on the matter is adjourned to December 27, 2016,” he told the court.
Making Money Through “Yahoo Yahoo”
Oba Adeoye had approached the Magistrate Court accusing the Oluwo of Iwo of concealing some facts about his past to the state government when he was installed as a first class monarch about a year ago.
Oluwo-Oke in a 33-paragraph affidavit said Oba Akanbi’s character did not befit a person of his status and calibre as he was used to carrying armed thugs, miscreants and hoodlums around to harass, intimidate, molest and attack persons whom he perceived as his enemies.
He further alleged that Oba Akanbi forged his name to obtain travelling documents to the United States where he was jailed in New York City and deported to Nigeria in year 2000.
He added that Oba Akanbi later travelled out with his real name to Canada in 2001 and became a Canadian citizen but was also arrested in Toronto and was in jail between 2006 and 2007.
“These facts were concealed for the state government which appointed and installed him as the Oluwo of Iwo,” the suit read.
He also accused him of presently making money through the internet fraud otherwise known as “Yahoo Yahoo” and was using his palace as a cover-up.
But Oba Akanbi reacted to these allegations in a 13 paragraph affidavits through the Aremo of Iwo land, Mr Adelani Akanbi, describing the application filed against the Oluwo of Iwo by Oba Adeoye as “scandalous, vexations and designed to embarrass, blackmail and ridicule the monarch in the view of right thinking members of the society”.
YAGI boss Lil Kesh, who is also signed to YBNL (his management company) has just set a new world record to become the very first Nigerian Artiste to ever perform in Qatar (which is a sovereign country located in Western Asia, with Doha as the capital and Arabic as their only official language).
Lil Kesh (as we all know) who just dropped the visual to his new smashing hit titled: “Shelegangan” which is currently gaining massive airplay across the black continent and beyond is also very happy with this new record set by him, hence he gladly went to post it on his instagram page this night.
See his post below here 👇
@Regrann from @lilkeshofficial: Tonight is gonna be Crazy🔥. The very first Nigerian artist to ever perform in Qatar. I’m excited and Its def gon mad LIT🔥 ah! #shelegangan
With this record and the just earned by Nigerian International Comedian Ayo Makun (@aycomedian), it is now getting clearer that Nigeria is now moving closer to sharing the front row in the world entertainment, especially the music industry with the America’s.
From #SMA, we say a very big CONGRATULATIONS to #shelegangan king Lil Kesh