DON’T CHEW MORE THAN YOU CAN SWALLOW

RelationshiptipbyKJ

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Don’t Chew More Than You Can Swallow
By king Joseph (the @strategist_kj)

Edited By: Ms Adebukola Ijaola (@qbs_creatives)
Co-edited By: Ademuyiwa Castrol

Languages Used: Simple English For All (SEA), Efik, Pidgin and Yoruba

Dialogue:
Talking to my Ghetto Soljas.
#TeamNsido? #TeamStreet

king Joseph: “How far naw, omo iya mi (my blood)? Hope say evri evri dey go well with you ba?”

Jamani: “Boss, awa wa o…in chorus; “awon ota lo jon.
“Bo se ma je niyen Oga mi, Olorun, no shakement in your own voice” (actually, Don invented that word…smiles) he added.

Don’t chew more that you can swallow…lest you vomit – literary

It Begins…
I smiled because, I was happy with that response considering the strength and strong spirit that came with it – perhaps, in it. Despite the effects of this economy crisis of our once the obvious ‘Giant of Africa’. He believes in his hustle still – my kind! Nsido?
He looked down casted & worried somehow though (considering the magnitude of his challenges…just recently, his younger brother publicly humiliated/almost beat him up ‘a family man’ because he’s not financially capable) – he’s a man; it happens to all – we feel tired somehow often times “HUMAN BODY”.

He’d run to me for consolation whenever he’s down, hence, I took good advantage to reignite his fire to enable him know why he has to speak to what will bring about that #PEACEFULLIFE (which in every sane land, everyone strives for nothing short of). And so, I decided to ‘help’ encourage him, thus: “Omo iya mi, Don’t Chew More Than You Can Swallow’. Never try it, not even when you feel like, because of the kind of challenges life is throwing at you for some while now. Hey, bro! I have mine too, but the only thing that helps to keep me going is this popular saying; ‘tough times don’t last, tough people do’. I try not (especially, more now) to run faster than my shadow – no man can! So as not to miss that right path that brings about great achievements, happiness and PEACE of mind to me – to ‘Us’.

I don’t know, but I think that might as well work for you – if you try it more? Still same? I know but he sighed and said; ‘ ohun yen niyen, Oga mi. Baba in spirit, o shey’. Flattered (I smiled), but I don’t know, I just wanted to take control – perhaps. I wanted him (you) to see at least a high point in my talking mood. Listen, my brother, it will all CONNECT soon, regardless. Iyanu ma shele, everything go fall in place no matter how far you’ve been hustling harder, endeavor to do the following:
1. Try to be as humble as you can to all that cross your path in life.

2. Run from debt (unnecessary ones).

3. Oh, permit me, be as faithful as you can to God and love all!

4. Be kind to mankind, no barrier.

5. Be generous – in your little way…

6. Pay your tithes regularly (which I am also trying hard to make a habit now).

7. And try as much as possible to be in peace with everyone – not bear grudges with any – regardless (if you do find yourself already doing this, then endeavor to make amend) even when you think you are not fully at fault (perhaps something triggered your anger, don’t worry, it is normal, we all human, we all have our limits – every man. We all get pushed to the wall (some over the wall) and at this moment, we feel like turning back to face ‘IT’; we get mad, very paranoid, we feel like pouring our minds out – opening the bottle tends to be the only solution. And some, feel like breaking things, throwing foul languages at the other, throwing punches and kicks will want to sound the best reaction to them while some will feel like resigning from their bills – paying job to freely express their anger et all…

Fine! None of that is bad (so to say, since we’ve been mandated not to judge anyone), but remember, anger destroys and can never be repaired. Do you think your reactions to that situation/attack will bring you the divinely deserved #PEACE and true fulfilment, now and aftermath? Never will it bring you that PEACE you’ve been longing for. The moment you let anger out of your life, then, that PEACE finds you, enter to your life, eat and dime with you. Let what people do to you matter less, be content, be appreciative, see things God’s way, never try to be who you’re not, never envy your fellow human achievements and never look down on yourself or anybody for every time on the clock repeats itself each new day. Use your time wisely cos the next second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year may not favour you. Whatever the Lord gives you, appreciate it and don’t ever forget to give Him praise and worship because that’s one of the ways you can make Him happy.

He’s a dependable God who sees and knows everything and He’s the only unfailing God who does things in miraculous ways which no man can comprehend. To achieve your destiny, you will surely come across bridges or mountains that are very difficult to cross but don’t forget that with God all things are possible.

Listen, no matter how hard the situation you find yourself might be, do not panic or get blown by the wind, thereby dipping your hands in what might end in regret. Know that it has been like that since after the first ‘disobedience; ‘…and man shall sweat to eat…’ but in the end, you’re coming out of it all. Trust GOD for your victory, #Nsido?

Moreover, do not forget that you still have the capacity to change that situation, provided you take it to HIM and be more perseverance .yes, YOU CAN DO IT! Just remain steadfast and keep your FAITH in HIM high. With GOD, everything is P.O.S.S.B.L.E! However, trust the vision (if you don’t have one, create it today and work towards it), believe in yourself like #Nsido?

I have my challenges too. But, hey, this is me, I keep the hustle going and the dream alive. Let me confess to you, King Joseph Success World is an empire – a dream, a vision in progress. Yes, I’M KING JOSEPH, the DREAMER. Even Success MEDIA Africa is named after my unborn Son (Success), which nothing can stop from coming to pass…I’m a WORK in process, because GOD is a GOD of processes…mbok, coming to that another day, #Nsido?

I am not writing this epistle as a rich or made man, but as a typical HUSTLER just like you…yes, you, #Nsido?

Interestingly, there’s always at least a very goof reason for every situation, hence there’s at least a positivity in every challenges (if you look deep, remember that Yoruba saying; ‘ti oju baa fara bale, aa ri’mu’?

At times, God actually wants us to learn something new that’ll catapult us to our #greatness. At times, He’s helping us to avert some unseen evil first – to clear the road for us, perhaps to make us live longer and be stronger…Remember, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. The best time to be calmer is that trying moments. And so, that is the best time to move closer to and build the most cordial (intimate) relationship with the ONE ‘GOD’ who can do all things with ease and bless us according to Hid riches in glory. We need His mercy and grace more at such period. Don’t go far from His presence and you’ll see Him turning the #tides in your FAVOUR, the ones that’ll make the world scream; ‘God, #Nsido?’ on your behalf!

Believe and be positive in whatever you do (be it good or bad) because whatever we sow we shall reap. For as long as there’s no short cut to the heavenly kingdom of our Father (God), and so, there’s no short cut to #success. There are shortcuts to everything devilish but to everything pure and good are divine journey. It is very certain that any life committed to Jesus cannot be wasted. Faithfully run to Him all the days of your life, surrender all to Him and He will never disappoint you.
Your friends/mates have all made it to the top, enh, agreed, but remember, no late Comer. Besides, our destiny and timing differ, so please, I urge you again, mbok, #DontChewMoreThanYouCanSwallow
#Nsido?

INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

#RelationshipTip By king Joseph

Topic: INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

As thriving beings, intimacy is one of the most important things our souls will always crave. A relationship needs intimacy. Intimate relationships allow partners to become very deeply acquainted & connected to the innermost soul or spirit. Within a good relationship or marriage, there will be several elements of intimacy which will keep it nurtured.

Simple physical affections such as hand-holding, cuddling, hugs and kisses are important to your relationship. These simple actions let you and your partner know that you’re there for one another, that you matter to the other. Intimacy is what helps love to survive through the toughest of times, and makes us continue to want to love and be loved by our partners.

Without intimacy, there is never the security in the relationship of knowing that the other person is there for you, or of knowing that they truly love you. This is why a relationship without intimacy on both levels is pretty much doomed to failure. Once intimacy is lost or if it never existed in a relationship, it takes a lot of determination and commitment to get intimacy back in the relationship. After all, intimacy in a relationship is what human-beings crave, it’s a basic need that must be met for any relationship to succeed.

So let’s look at some of the various types of intimacy we will seek with our partners.

 Spiritual Intimacy
 Intellectual Intimacy
 Physical Intimacy
 Emotional Intimacy
 Intimacy in Love & Romance
 Marriage

 Intimate relationships serve a great purpose in our human experience and existence. When we talk about being intimate in a romantic relationship, we often associate it to physical intimacy, but physical intimacy is just one form of intimacy. 

Intimacy is a process whereby we feel truly seen, heard & known by and connected to, our God, partner or on a more basic level, to a group; and this can manifest in many ways. When the emotion of romance is blended with the feelings of love and the joys of physical intimacy, then this can be GENIUS.

To create the ultimate, a great sense of commitment and fidelity is required. For a good intimate, love relationship to be a success, it requires work and one cannot achieve success in anything unless one applies the necessary ingredients of commitment, desire, and most of all HARD WORK…
 

The online weekly #RelationshipTip program by my humble self (king Joseph) coming back soon…every Sundays as usual – this time stronger like #Nsido?

‘Still On Acme Matter; Gov. Ambode Has Forgotten His Source.’ – Primate Charles Odugbesi, JP. Former State Secretary, AC., ACN. APC.


Primate

Lately, a ripple has been created on social media over an underground lamentations by the state party, APC faithfuls claiming the Governor Akinwunmi Ambode-led Administration has abandoned them and the party ‘his Producer’ even to hunger, as against the good foundation and legacies laid down by Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu and Mr Babatunde Fashola (SAN), Primate Charles Odugbesi, JP. Former State Secretary, AC, ACN, APC, through his Facebook account yesterday has decided to help the party faithfuls regain their rights back from the State Governor by breaking the silence. In his ‘second’ post titled; ‘STILL ON ACME MATTER’. Read below:

STILL ON ACME MATTER
I am very shocked at the volume of calls that I have received on my write-up on the situation at Acme, the state headquarters of All Progressives Congress, APC. Let me state here at this juncture that I did not write the article to play to the gallery or to confront or bring down anybody. The truth must be told and I think I am in the position to know the difference between the past administrations and the present one when it comes to party affairs and welfare, at least I administered the Party as Secretary for two terms. .
Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu who started this system knew that he could not reach every party member by sharing money to them, So with food materials distributed only four times a year, he has been able to reach them convincingly. You have to get to people’s hearts before you can ask for their hands. The periods of Xmas, Fasting of Muslims and Christians and Ileya festivals were the best time for Party faithfuls.. A ram and a bag of rice for each ward. I am talking about a ward of more than 1000 members and yet people were very happy for the gesture. Sometime a member may not eat more than a small portion of meat but the fact that their leader put them in mind was their happiness. If anybody thinks that Asiwaju is using juju for people to love him, it is his act of live and let live that made people who have not even met him face to face want to die for him.

Somebody told me on the phone that rams and rice are given to the wards through the ministries. I nearly collapsed. Is the ministry the Party. We are advocating the supremacy of the party and you are relegating that party. I wish the Governor had visited Acme in those good old days when Party chairmen and their people were coming to collect the yuletide items, he would not have changed that system. Those were the times that those who were not party members usually turned to be members. If you do not allow the Party to take of their people how do you want the people to know that Party is supreme. Whoever pays the piper dictates the tune. If the idea is to control the Party outside the Party secretariat, the resultant effect will not be good. Somebody will get hurt from that action.

Party members out there are not very happy and I want the Governor to do something fast to uplift the present status of the Party and that is for his own good. If he constructs express roads in the sky it is only when he wins the primary that the general public he is trying please now will have the opportunity of voting for him. And if he thinks when that time comes he will use money, he should know that party members are wiser now. They will collect the money and consider it their rights and do their wish. Our state leaders who suppose to tell him the right thing are less concerned. Why? They are taken care off and even if he loses the primary it would not affect them because it would not take them any stress to cooperate with the new winner, afterall it is the Party they are working for.

Those who are going round at this time campaigning for his second term should watch peoples’ countenances and give honest report back to His Excellency. IGBORO KO RERIN O. He is doing fantastically well for the state but should not forget his SOURCE. If he sows positively to the Party, the harvest is his. I don talk my own. Call me names if you like but one thing I am sure of is that whatever we do today becomes history tomorrow.

Primate Charles Odugbesi, JP.
Former State Secretary, AC., ACN., APC.

DOES TRUST GUARANTEE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP II? – king Joseph

#RelationshipTip:

does trust guarantee a successful relationship?

Author: king Joseph (the @strategist_kj)

 

Table of Contents

Preface……………………………………………………………………….……….1

Any Solution Aside Trust?…………………………………………………..2

Fear…………………………………………….……………………….…….……….3

Trust………………………………………………………………………….……….4

Acceptance…………………………………………………………………………5

Acceptance, Non-attachment and Healthy Love……………….6

Non-attachment is still Caring………………..……….………………7

 

  1. Preface

And it shouldn’t, anyway!

When I ask most people how they feel about the risk of infidelity, there are two main answers I usually get, although which are most common. The answers are:

1st “I worry about my partner cheating”

2nd “I trust my partner and believe he/she won’t”

At the same time, there are also very small groups who brush it off with “I just try not to think about it” or even “I wouldn’t care,” but trust me, they’re the minority, you dig…#Nsido?

The second viewpoint, “trust,” is what we uphold and sell to each other as the goal, being one of two secrets to a good and successful relationship – the other being COMMUNICATION – as strongly emphasized in the first part of this article (posted on facebook few months back).

But where does the second one get you? You’re still hanging your emotional wellbeing on someone else’s actions, and if they veer off course, you’re surrendering (or rather, denying) agency over your own happiness. And I ask, #Nsido?…answer me naw…smiles…well, never mind – I can construe your muteness.

  1. Any Solution Aside Trust?

Yes, of course, there’s a better solution than trust!

And it’s something closer to love: “I understand what I do and do not control, that I do not control anything outside of me, and I don’t try to change that. I invest my emotional wellbeing in things I control.”

Assuming I’m on a plane as I write this, so let’s take air travel as an example.

There are two main types of air travelers:

                 1st Traveler: “I am afraid of flying”

2nd Traveler: “I trust that we won’t crash”

Of course, we have a few people who say “I just try not to think about it” or – the truly deranged;  “I wouldn’t care if we crashed.”

  1. Fear

Let’s take another instance on someone who’s always terrified of flying, despite being a manager in finance and having to occasionally travel for work. You know, this person starts each flight heavily self-medicated and ends each flight emotionally fatigued.

You hear them say, after each landing; “Every time I land safely, I feel like I’ve cheated death”

They’re terrified that they have no control over the situation, and her fear is really desperation for control.

But the truthful truth is, you don’t control the plane. You will never have control over the plane. And in the same sense, you will never have control over another human being! HEY! #Nsido? Don’t argue it – agreed!

  1. Trust

A lot of people lean on this one. They point to the statistics  –  more people die in car accidents than plane crashes  –  and they reassure themselves “pilots are professionals  –  they do this every day.” And both of those are true, but what if hell does freeze over? What if that .000001% odd does occur?

To trust is to live in a play-pretend world believing you are special and immune to statistical risk. And maybe you are. Maybe you’re the majority.

And, more importantly, to “trust” alone is to put ourselves at more emotional risk than we need to.

Trusting alone is being over-leveraged and exposed to the heartbreak we’ll experience if it does happen. (And statistically, it could.)

Wanting it, wishing, and hoping aren’t emotional protection.

Where is “trust” going to leave you if the plane is going down, or your partner does cheat? Those subsequent moments are going to be ones of very negative emotions — probably the same ones as the worried woman next to you, except she’ll also be internally (or externally) screaming: “I knew it! I just knew it!”

  1. Acceptance

I am not afraid of flying, but it’s not because I point to the statistics or necessarily even trust the pilots…my brother, a jet pilot in the Air Force, distrusts commercial pilots more than anyone I know. Quote me on this…now!

It’s because I respect the limitations of what I control (now), and I don’t let emotions  (anymore) –  fear included  run wild with what I don’t.

I 101% trust my partner won’t cheat on me. I believe this not only from a position of belief, but rationale. In other words: she is both incredibly loyal and incredibly picky. I trust her (now). But I don’t dump my emotions into what she does.

Just like I also trust that she won’t die in a car accident after I kiss her goodbye in the morning. I believe this, but I also understand that I don’t control this, and I have emotional insurance and a contingency plan in the horrible event that it happens.

I trust. But I also don’t hang my emotional wellbeing on something that is out of my control. NO, I don’t…#Nsido?

I trust that a coffee shop is going to be open. I trust that the street light will turn GREEN – you dig that? I trust that my flight will be on time.

But if it isn’t, it doesn’t destroy me. I deal and don’t hang my emotional wellbeing on external things.

  1. Acceptance, Non-attachment, and Healthy Love

Accept that we have no control over the situation. Look at it, stare it in the face, and say “you belong to the universe, and so do I. Neither you nor the world are my domain.” Lobatan!…#Nsido?

These are the same stance we take with our partners.

It may sound cynical or pessimistic, but it’s not.

It’s not assuming our partner will cheat. It’s still trusting they won’t while respecting that they are their own people, and not confusing our emotions with what we’re actually entitled to.

Trust for Clients – it’s the same way we treat anything else in life …GBAM! I trust that if we make them happy, our clients will want to continue working with us. But I construe that they may one day call me up and say “we’re going with someone else.” Which is not unusual – not in any way, my dear…#Nsido?

Although, it’s very disappointing – so heartbreaking, yeah. It’s fucking shitty  like #Nsido?  I do anything I can to avoid that happening, in my relationship with anyone (especially with my Partner-in-love) and if it does happen, to bring them back. But at the end of the day, I respect that they are running a business, and make their own decisions.

Understanding isn’t cynicism; it’s respect and care for other beings.

It’s eyes-wide-open and open-hearted and fully honest. And most importantly, it is relaxed. It is relaxed not in a denial or blind optimism or “hoping” kind of way, like “trust”, which leaves us vulnerable to being destroyed emotionally should the thing occur.

It’s looking things straight in the eye and saying “I see you for what you are, not what I wish for, and I accept you either way.”

And this is (real) LOVE. I board each flight knowing full well the risks, and not denying them, and I live my life respecting the fact that it can be taken away. I enter relationships the same way now – NO FEAR of the unknown! Know this, fear of the unknown causes unnecessary distrust and gives room for unexpected heart problems – so why give room for it in the first place, #Nsido?

Remember, there are so many things you cannot change, and LIFE OCCURRENCES are just one of these things, followed by human beings. That reminds me what my younger sibling said some years (2002 to be precise) back while I was trying to scold her for doing something (that she was somehow used to) I thought was wrong in the house. After our Mum’s interference, I just looked at her and said; “you’d better change now before you move to your adulthood (which was just few more years to)…” and instantaneously, she replied me in a joking, but serious tone thus; “why or rather how should I change when I’m not a cloth?” Honestly, to me then, that was not just a response, but a very strong (sharp) WORD from a girl of 15! Even our Mom was shocked (to hear that from her) I turned back to face her with a straight-face question, thus I retorted; “Bidemi, what do you mean you’re not a cloth, so you can not change or what?” and now with laughter, she explained; “shey eyin o mo wipe aso ni eyan le paro, won kii n paro iwa. Nitori pe, eefin ni, no matter how you try to cover it up, o maa ru jade shaa nii, so my lovely brother, you cannot change nature, you can only adjust your ways. However, I’m sorry for my actions.”

Lesson learned from my little Sister! A lot will happen in this life (that we cannot change) and in most cases lots of disappointments, put-downs, heartbreaks, betrayal, backstabbing et al by our loved ones – even the ones we trusted most and least expected any of these things from, and we feel so bad and at times try to change them, but the truth is that we just can’t, hence so many end up in a seemingly worse situation (health-wise and otherwise) they never expected, just because they have trusted and put their lives on someone / something so much as if their lives depend on them, that when these things (put-downs) occur, they find themselves at a crossroad? …#Nsido? (why?), They have trusted so much that they never believed they could be let down by them, let alone prepare for it! Talking from EXPERIENCE here – and experience they say “is the best teacher”! In other words, I have learnt lots of lessons in relationship – still in the process though.

I am independent of my partner. And so, my emotional wellbeing is independent of her actions (now).

7.     Non-attachment is still Caring

I would obviously care if my plane went down. I would care if my partner cheated. I would still be afraid if we crashed, and hurt if my partner cheated, but the difference is that, rationale would kick in and remind me, “my partner is her own person, on her own journey. You don’t control her. The only thing you have control over is your own response.”

It’s understanding the domain of our control, the limits to the authority of our emotions, and where to hang our wellbeing. Understanding and respecting the limitations of our control.

We are responsible for our own wellbeing, and we should hang our wellbeing on the thing we control , which is our MINDSET!

We let the rest exist with ACCEPTANCE, which is the same as LOVE.

The online weekly #RelationshipTip program by my humble self (king Joseph) coming back soon…every Sundays as usual – this time, stronger…#Nsido?

 

North East: You talk from both sides of your mouth – Junaid tells Emir of Kano, Lamido Sanusi

Second Republic lawmaker, Junaid Mohammed, has described the Emir of Kano, Mohammed Sanusi as a man who speaks from both sides of his mouth.


Junaid Mohammed

The former Minister made the remark while reacting to Sanusi’s appeal to Northern State Governors to convert mosques into primary schools in the North East. 

Sanusi, while speaking at the graduation ceremony of Post Graduate Diploma and Nigerian certificate in Education in Kano, had advocated for the conversion of mosques into schools.

He noted that the conversion of mosques to schools will boost education in the region.

Condemning the remark of the former Central Bank, CBN, in a statement, he said such comment was mischievous and should not be dignified

According to Mohammed, “Ordinarily, I won’t dignify the statement credited to the Emir with any response because the Emir talks from both sides of his mouth.”

Although he agreed with Sanusi that the number of mosque in the North East surpasses educational institutions, former lawmaker, however, advocated for the building of more schools rather than converting the existing mosques.

“Though, I agree that there are too many mosques all around and more functional schools need to be built, I don’t think converting a mosque or church to school is what will solve the problem.

“I believe the issue of million beggars on streets in the North is what should have formed the basis of discussion and not the issue of converting mosques to schools,” Mohammed said.

If you look at our educational needs viz a viz the infrastructure deficit, it has become imperative to convert existing mosques to primary schools, and aside cost reduction in this era of recession, it would accelerate education development in the region,” Sanusi had opined.

“Buhari Told Me He Needed Strong Vice President In Case He Dies.” – Pastor Tunde Bakare

The founder of The Latter Rain Assembly, Pastor Tunde Bakare, has disclosed that President Muhammadu Buhari asked him to be his running mate in 2011 because he wanted a Vice President who could hold the nation together in the event of his death while in power.


Pastor Tunde Bakare

Bakare made the disclosure in a message to his congregation at the church headquarters in Ogba, Lagos State.

Buhari had contested the 2011 Presidential election with Bakare as his running mate, on the platform of the then Congress for Progressives Change, CPC.

The former Presidential running mate revealed that all that transpired during that period had been documented in his book: ‘Strategic Intervention in Governance.’

According to Bakare,“After I was called and I went to Abuja, and I sat with Mr President or General Buhari then, I said why me? ‘I’m not a politician’, ‘I do not belong to any political party’, ‘I am not carrying card of any party, why me’?

“He gave me all the reasons, they are written in the book; Strategic Intervention in Governance. He gave three reasons, but the one that made everyone around me that day to dove their hats was when he said: I am not as young as you think, and even Yar’Adua that is younger is dead.

“In case I die, I know you can hold the nation together. That was when Jim (he didn’t give his surname) removed his cap and said egbon, you must agree.”

Speaking further, the clergyman said he sat with Buhari and asked, “Sir, I need to understand something before I do anything. Every running mate of yours, including the one that was even your deputy in the military, is dead.

“Ume-Ezeoke is dead, Okadigbo is dead, Idiagbon is dead, I am not about to die?”

He quoted the President as saying, “Pastor, you must be very funny, I have never even thought about it.

“I knew he had nothing to do with their deaths, but that man carries a dimension of grace that if you deal with him, and betray him, you pay with your life.

“So I said to him, hear me now, ‘I will never betray you, I leave it to you to betray me if you wish to do so’… I’m not kidding you, you don’t know what transpired, for you, it was just campaign.

“Loyalty is a two-way traffic, if you cannot do that with God, forget, you cannot do it with men, you’d betray the cause, somewhere along the line, when things get tough, when they are not as easy as you expect them to be.

“God builds your confidence if you heed to his agreement.”

Relationship Tips: KNOW THE FAMILY AND DO THE RIGHT THING! – King Joseph

AUTHOR: King Joseph
Founder/Chief Publicity Strategist,
Success MEDIA Africa.
(a division of King Joseph Success World).

Language Used: SEL (for all)

PRELUDE: Looking into one of the major problems (ignorance of the new age) we face in our relationships. The one we never really think of or take serious these days.

HOLY BIBLE REFERENCES – knowledge:
Fair warning: I know some may be angry with me, for this honest and helpful write-up, but I still have to proceed with what I’m about to write on, for the Holy Bible says; “we should preach the truth in love” [Ephessians 4:15] and I humbly suggest you pick up your Bible and read John 6:60-66
God also tells us through the Prophet Hosea: “My people perish, for a lack of knowledge.” [Hosea 4:6]. And we still do!

Bible References – On Relationship / Dating:
Though, there’s no place in the Bible, that relationship or dating is being discussed. However, since marriage starts from RELATIONSHIP, to DATING, to courtship before leading to marriage, so, what does the Bible say about marriage?

“So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
And God blessed them, and God said to them,
“Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it.”
Book of Genesis 1:27-28

Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother
and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Book of Genesis 2:24…meaning, the Parents sincere consents and full blessings are highly needed in every relationship that has to do with “love” especially.

One can see from the Bible and the very biology of the human body that it is natural for a man and a woman to be together.

God created woman because “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). From the beginning of time, as recorded in the Book of Genesis, God planned for man and woman to unite in love and harmony for continuity of his creation, the human race.

True love between a man and a woman leads to marriage. Marriage brings mutual comfort and a family. Children are the fruit and bond of a marriage. The family provides a framework for each family member to grow as a person in love and security.

Now, let’s look at what love really is.
WHAT IS LOVE?
“Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love.”
1st John 4:8

Love is the favorite subject of artists and poets throughout the ages. “Romeo and Juliet,” William Shakespeare’s story about two star-crossed Lovers, is one of the most moving plays ever written (we all know what the major obstacle to their love in this story was…)

The loving kindness of Jesus and Mary’s love for the Christ child are evident on paintings throughout the West (but we all know what happened to them as a result of one’s family disapproval of the relationship).

Also Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote impassioned love poems to her husband Robert Browning (true love with no unity).

I want to believe we are familiar with Alfred Lord Tennyson’s famous line, “Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”

The poet Kahlil Gibran wrote “Love is to know the pain of too much tenderness,” and “Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”

Popular music is filled with the subject of love, such as Stardust, the Twenties classic;
“Earth Angel” by the Penguins, perhaps the first rhythm and blues song to become a national favorite in 1954;
“Love is a Many Splendored Thing” by the Four Aces in 1955;
“Time in a Bottle,” the number one ballad by the late Jim Croce in 1973;
“My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion, the theme song from the 1997 movie Titanic…hmm love oh love displayed by these people; and the number one country song “Would You Go With Me” by Josh Turner in 2006. The beautiful love song “Home” by Philip Philips in 2012 is the only recording to ever make the top ten three times in one year. Love makes the world go round!

Loving someone and being loved brings happiness. There are many loves in one’s life, such as your spouse or sweetheart, your parents, your family and children, or your best friend. We all want and need love. This is essential to the human race. We need to help each other, cooperate with each other, and reaffirm each other.

Mystery and a kind of mysticism surround love.
Hmm…my question for you now is; why do people fall in love?

Sighs…the heart is the seat of the emotions, one of the three spiritual centers of the person, along with the intellect and the will. It was the French writer Blaise Pascal in his Pensées who said “Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point”
Meaning: “the heart has its reasons of which the mind knows nothing.”

The higher emotions, such as love, joy, sorrow, or contrition, cannot be willed, but suddenly well up in a person, and pervade his whole being.

God is important to our love relationship, there’s no any doubt about this.
Even the greatest Fools know this, so AGREED!!!

Love of God grows as you mature in life. We become grateful for all His gifts, such as the beauty of creation and our family. And we become especially grateful for His forgiveness when we fall. His gifts to us are so plentiful that it becomes only fair and natural that we love him. We begin to appreciate that “God is love.” He is a wonderful example of love, because His love is unconditional. We are the happiest when we are living in harmony with God and nature. Someone who loves God will strive to be good, honest, and faithful, and develop all the values necessary to sustain a love relationship through the years.

Let me remind you of the Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855) who stresses this important point in Works of Love: “Worldly wisdom thinks that love is a relationship between man and woman. Christianity teaches that love is a relationship between man-God-woman, that is, that God is the middle term.” He then contrasts this with romantic love: “when love ceases, people say these two have a ‘falling out.’ The bond is broken. When a relationship is only between two, one always has the upper hand in the relationship by being able to break it, for as soon as one has broken away, the relationship is broken. But when there are three, one person cannot do this. The third, as mentioned, is love itself, which the innocent sufferer can hold to in the break, and then the break has no power over him.”

So, before nailing the top of this write-up title, need I say that GOD should be your first third and only party ‘the Intermediary’ you must know first and allow in your RELATIONSHIP, even before the Parents/Family and friends.

Love gives one a sense of immortality. The existentialist Kierkegaard described love as uniting the temporal with the eternal. This is best understood when you lose someone you love, such as your mother or father. Even though your loved one has died and is no longer with you on earth, your love lives on for the one you cherish, regardless.

C. S. Lewis in his book “The Four Loves” describes four kinds of human love:
i. affection,
ii. romantic
iii. love,
iv. friendship, and the love of God.
STORGE, or affection, is the natural love a parent has for a child, while, EROS, or romantic love, is the desire two have for each other.
Plato considered eros something like poetic rapture upon seeing the beauty of another. Eros is the longing for the beauty and company of the beloved when two persons fall in love. This is in contrast to someone who has sexual desire without being in love, who wants to use the other strictly for selfish pleasure. A utilitarian relationship, in which the sexual partner becomes an object for use, holds no long-term possibility for joy, fulfillment, or happiness, but rather leaves one empty, disappointed, and ultimately alone.
PHILIA is the love of friendship, but may have conditions. It gives, but may expect something equal in return.
AGAPE is true, unconditional love, a generosity of spirit which gives and expects nothing in return. It is the love that God has for us. It is love at the highest level. The more true love there is between a man and a woman, or among family and friends, the more successful the relationship.

Oh! How much I love these following famous Biblical passages about love and choosing a husband or wife.

“Place me as a seal upon your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its ardor endures to the grave.
It burns with blazing flame,
a raging fire.
Torrents of rain cannot quench love;
nor floods sweep it away.
Song of Songs 8:6-7

“Love is patient,
love is kind;
love is not jealous or boastful;
it is not arrogant or rude.
Love does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.”
I Corinthians 13:4-8

Oh! True love, sweet love as of old. This kind of love I always tell people that I cherish most, thus making an old age Lover man.
Hmm…I really wonder what has happened to the new age “love.”

Behold, relationships these days have turned upside down, that I still can not fathom how pathetic it has become now, that I can only ask:
Why?
It is obvious that, most are caused by some family/Parents/Guardians, Friends and Siblings (who I consider as unnecessary third Parties)…oh, one of my many daughters (Zainab) just mentioned “SECURITY”…but, I assume it is rather, “over-security” or still, “GREED”, SELF-CENTREDNESS”, “ENVY” et al….

Any which way, allow me proceed by giving the ordeals we now face in our suppose-to-be sweet love and enjoyed relationship. The facts so many writers shy away from, or may I say they just see as normalcy but a very big problem/obstacle to any serious relationship, despite all the good promises of agape love to us by God and the assurance by His Apostles, et al.

The Ordeals:
With the way things are going in most homes,
The way relationships are breaking;
The way so many ladies out there are so determined when it comes to breaking hearts, some even derive joy from this (evil) act,
The way some men see some women’s’ heart as just mere Oranges…,
The way we hurt our partners without feeling remorse about it,
The way we allow insecurity in our relationships – this has broken so many relationships right before their own eyes…hmmm.
The way we allow our partners go in silent pains and agony and never realized or cared about it.

Lots of men/women have emotionally been traumatized, believe me, some have even lost their sanity, all in the name of “Love.”

The wrong impressions some families/parents create before their child’s/ward’s Partner.

The way some family members will just come into the already editing-in-progress picture and (jealously) decide to ruin it.

The way they detest their child’s/wards Partner with passion and will not stop at anything to destroy the relationship, while some will even go spiritual against you or your life, just because they don’t like, want you or there’s a curse or some kind of evil covenant in the family that is against your relationship or even you getting married…this is very wide to want to start explaining. I can only wish you construe this from the right angle.

Some families are so cruel and evilish (add it to your dictionary), that all they are well capable of doing is rendering you useless in life…you hear something like; “by the time we make him lose all he has that makes him/her thinks he/she can take our “tool” or “successor” away from me/us. And this is either because; the one in question is truly their tool as they claim, physically or spiritually, or of a truth, consciously/unconsciously their successor in the spiritual realm. My dear, ma teri si o…I implore you to distantly avoid this kind of family, once you have “gracefully” discovered this!
Listen, some parents/parent (or siblings/friends) can do anything to stop your relationship, separate you, cause misunderstanding, disagreement, unusual and frequent quarrels/fights, frustrate your life and some even lead to death (here, their mission is accomplished. Lobatan!)…hmm, please, know the “family” (parents/guardians) first!

Some family members are so frustrated in life that, anyone who is coming in as an in-law-to-be MUST be very wealthy regardless, or capital “NO” is the only word existing in the dictionary. The love and care you “guys” share does not concern them a bit, because they already have a suitor for their child/ward. GREED and SELF-CENTREDNESS!!!

There are types of people who only care about flashy things…I call them “Instant Noodles” family, because they don’t care about tomorrow, what they only know is sharp, sharp, as e dey hot; they are too hungrily dependent that the moment you stop giving them is the moment you turn their “worst in-law” they’re already making plans to change Client (you)…you have expired, as far as they are concerned! Is this what you want? Are you sure you can handle or manipulate this kind of situation?

They don’t care what the Partner is into, if he/she likes mey hin be Yahoo guy, Ashewo (sex worker), Gbewiri (armed robber), money Ritualist, etc…listen, they – DON’T – GIVE – A – DAMN!

Therefore, my dear, please, I implore you to stay away sharp, if you know you’re not in that category,…oh, you are the good guy/girl who still believes in his/her self worth and future, so, you’re not ready to join such for love, I repeat, STAY AWAY! Do not try to prove anything. Just wish him/her good luck and peacefully, walk away, while you still can, and your life with you.
Sighs…there is nothing as dangerous, and if care is not taken, as quick to–take-ones-life as being in a relationship with/marry the wrong one and especially, from a wrong house.

The Principal Cause?
Yes! I also know that it’s long been widely known and accepted that Devil does not want any peaceful home/marriage (starting from dating). Agreed! But behind every problem, there is at least a corrective solution, like one of my favorite quotes says: “If you are able to yourself, then you have no competition. All you have to do is get closer and closer to that essence.” So, what we should be asking and focusing on for now, is:

The Way Forward?
I really cannot remember if I asked the question, but I sure do remember that I was lying down on the bed, trying to sleep for a while, when I came about it. And I rose up! So I am throwing it to you; What is the way …. Oh! I think I have an ancient insight first, and that is;

The Origin:
Here, I think one of the major problems we are facing is from our poor negligence and CIVILIZATION. Hence, we need to revisit our true culture – the importance of knowing the family/parents, before serious commitment with that special person is allowed to come in.

Oh! That reminds me of one of (Dr) Saheed Osupa’s epic songs, titled : “OLAJU DE” talks more about how marriage was being carried out in the days of the old…gone were the days

the lyrics go thus;
“…olaju deee
Olaju de, lawa gbagbe asa idile wa…” (Meaning; we’ve forgotten our culture due to civilization).

Time is really calling our attention back to the old ways of doing things the right way. These days, we really do not care about where the prospective partner is from “by see,” too but, “by say” alone– NO!!!

We all have fallen victims of this severally, and that is why higher percentages of fresh relationships break just like egg…so easily!

Please hold on, I know you are already asking questions like, “What does he mean…kind of question, huh?
How can one marry someone without knowing the family – without the consent of the Parents vice versa?
Yes! You are right there – but, let me ask this, how many guys or ladies take time to do an underground research on that man/woman’s parent / immediate family before dating? Mind you, this does not apply to every relationships though; I am talking about intending serious relationships here.

See “Know The Differences Between Serious Relationship And A Fling” here: http://t.co/bj7wURHbLb

Knowing the family first, before proceeding with the relationship/dating (commitment) is very vital…as important as having to lay a foundation for your building construction first.

I know and still remember that, Colossians 3:20 and Ephesians 6:1-3 admonish children to obey their parents “in the Lord, for this is right” and “in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” These go hand-in-hand with Commandment five in Exodus 20:12, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.”

I also looked in the John Macarthur study Bible to see what he has to say about these complementary verses. About the fifth Commandment he writes, “The key to societal stability is reverence and respect for parents and their authority.” About the Ephesians passage he says, “The child in the home is to be willingly under the authority of parents with obedient submission to them as the agents of the lord placed over him, obeying parents as if obeying the Lord Himself.” He also says that while verse 1 is about action, verse 3 refers to your attitude toward your parents. Finally, regarding Colossians, he writes, “The only limit on a child’s obedience is when parents demand something contrary to God’s Word.” which is where and exactly what I am hammering on here.

I believe scripturally, the starting point is your (and your boyfriend’s) attitude toward your parents. You must continue this conversation and make your decision from a position of honor and respect. They are due that, at a minimum, even if you don’t think they deserve it and regardless of what you decide. If you have any doubts about your attitude toward your mom and dad, ask your pastor or mature Christian mentors what they think about your attitude. Is it Godly?

However, what happens when you discover that the new family from which you’re going to have new parents-in-law are not ready to support your already established relationship for their own unGodly reasons?

Remember this popular Yoruba saying? “Iyawo buruku se’ ni, ana buruku ni o se’ nii.”

NOTE: these are the people you unarguably marrying and not your partner in the real sense…if they are not at peace with you, and in harmony with your togetherness, you might find it very difficult protecting that courtship/marriage on your own, irrespective of your values, beliefs about true love, or sacrifices, trust me. A lot is attached to this which I really am not going to start to worry you with, for now, but, I’ll sure like to add few more tips.

At the very beginning of the feeling(s), I humbly but strongly suggest each of the (secret) parties involved – the “Determiners” role on this, comes first here as he/she only, knows what he/she has seen, admired and unconsciously developing feelings for should make thorough research….

My dear, one thing that as a person, I have learned about such feelings…ok, I’ll try to come back to this as soon as I can…
Oh! Sorry, you say? Like I said, I am coming back to this, ok.
My dear, it is very simple! Now, I know that, God has given us the power to have control over some things and the control over our bodies and minds are part of those amazing powers!

Hey! Control the feelings first. Manage the affection or whatever it is that is captivating you about him/her – focus more on doing the right thing first…go out of your ways to know more about his/her family member(s). Try to know if you are going into even a better home away from yours, else, turn back at the early stage!

Instead of taking this step, the bulk of us want to get it done by ourselves…brother/sister, don’t be too anxious when in love with a lady/guy, that you want to do everything on your own – e dey boomerang o, I swear down. Some family ways of life , enh…dey reflect on the person’s life (and this, you might not be conscious of, because you’re already deep into that think called “love”), wey you dey fall for, only if you know what I mean here…experience, they say is the best teacher! Like they say, “Charity begins at home.” remember?

Work On The RELATIONSHIP
In addition, after successfully knowing your next destination, what you need to do, to enjoy your relationship or intending matrimony are discussed below:

When you per adventure meet someone you like (which is very normal and certain to happen), you take a step forward, make sure that the steps you’re taking are the ones towards:
Knowing her first – this is very essential, please, do not allow your feelings/emotions push/control you to just taking funny decisions as to just going straight to luring her/him into any serious thing, because you’re “funningly” (add it to your dictionary) in “it-could-be-a-self-heart-breaking” love with that fellow.
Knowing his/her past, present and her future intent(s). Know her experience so far (relationship wise) this matters a whole lots too, but may not be a criterion.

And next things you must know about him/her on your own, secretly, but wisely, in order not to arouse suspicion or insecurity, are:

i. win her heart,

ii. be convinced that the parents are God-fearing people at least, irrespective of the religion,

iii. win at least (prefer\ably the mother),

iv. know and weigh the relationship between your Partner and his/her immediate family – this is very important…!

v. make sure you at least get closer to one of his/her closest siblings and friends. You must first make sure these two categories of people like and endorse you too, and very well that they can always watch your back, anytime, any day,
vi. they must be well treated by you – make them feel very comfortable anytime they are around you,

vii. build that trust between you guys; so they can see you as one that is prepared for the journey with their Sister/Brother,

viii. display sense of responsibility,

ix. surprise her/him by knowing & (wisely) creating some kind of good acquaintances with at least some of the family members, even before he/she introduces you to them. You really do not know how much joy this action would bring to her/him and the family when they get to know what’s going on between you two.

x. and lastly, KNOW THE FAMILY/PARENTS at the early stage and DO THE RIGHT THINGS, before you drown in LOVE!

I PRAY WE DON’T FALL VICTIMS AS WE CHOSE TO LOVE!
HAVE A BLISSFUL RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE!!
PEACE OUT!!!

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