You Can Defeat Anxiety

Text: Proverbs 12:25 ~ “Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad”.

Message:

of the weapons of the enemy against the saints is anxiety or worry. He uses it to demoralize Christians or create doubt in their hearts, but the Almighty God has given the saints the weapons they need to overcome anxiety. The first weapon is the good word: You need to hear a good word to defeat anxiety. The good word is found in the Holy Scriptures; therefore, find a scripture that is related to that worry, declare it to yourself, and the anxiety will disappear. The second weapon is to give thanks and praise to God for what He has done for you; as you sing and thank Him, the burden of worry will be lifted from you. The last weapon is to pray, especially in other tongues, and the Holy Ghost will crush the anxiety. Hallelujah!

Share your comments here 👇…🙊 #Nsido?

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INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

#RelationshipTip

Writer: Olabode King Joseph
Founder/CPS at Success MEDIA Africa – S.M.A
(a subsidiary of KING JOSEPH SUCCESS WORLD)

Laguage Used: SELA

Preface:

Marriage and the family are institutions ordained by God Almighty Himself, but with both man (husband) and woman (wife) having great roles to play to further make it sustainable – one of which is “Intimacy” which many of today’s (cultural) marriages lack.

Definitions:

Intimacy In accordance with the English Dictionary means feeling in atmosphere of closeness and openness towarss someone else, not necessary involving sexuality, while “Marriage” (n) on the other hand is the state of being married. (ii). The union of two (or sometimes more) people, usually to the exclusion of all others. (iii). Figuratively, a close union.
Biblical Insights On Marriage

The Current Cultural Crisis – astonishingly, as it may seem, we can no longer assume that people in our culture understand what the proper definition of “marriage” is. This is not only sad a commentary on the impact of same-sex marriage activists on our society, it also shows how the culture’s memory of the biblical tradition on which it is largely based is fading fast.

My Big Question

What is Marriage biblically defined as? And what is the biblical definition of “Intimacy”? In this brief treatise in intimacy and marriage, we will be taking up these questions and proceed to discuss a number of related matters, such as; #singleness, #divorce, #remarriage & #homosexuality, in an effort to develop a full-orbed understanding of the biblical teaching on the subject matter. But, mbok, wait o, before we proceed, permit me to dwell on MARRIAGE & FAMILY a little bit, since we cannot talk on marriage and the aforementioned subject-topic without venturing on FAMILY and what the Bible says about It, #Nsido?

Marriage and Family

Marriage and Family are institutions under siege today, and only a return to the biblical foundation of these God-given institutions will reverse the doctrine of marriage and family in our today’s culture.

And so, What is the FAMILY?

Biblically, Family is defined (in a narrow sense) as the union of one man and one woman in matrimony which is normally blessed with one or several natural or adopted Children – the Fruit(s) of MARRIAGE!

Broadly, family includes any other persons related by blood (the extended…) as we were/are taught in the Elementary – one of the few truths taught in schools.

Bible Reference:

We read in the Holy Book of Genesis 2:18-20 that God in the beginning created first a man (Adam – the Apple victim) to exercise dominion over His creation and subsequently a woman (Eve – the Apple Discoverer) as the man’s suitable helper (the Bible actually refer to her as the “Helpmate”)

In furtherance, Genesis 2:24 says; “Therefore, a man (husband) shall leave his father and his mother and cleave (hold) fast to his woman (wife), & they shall become one flesh”. From this verse, we’ll discover that God actually instituted at the beginning; one man is united (intimately) to one woman in matrimony, and the two form one new natural family…what else? Simple! In this regard, “become one (intimate) flesh” not only refers to the establishment of one new family but also to the procreation of offering. This in turn, is in keeping with God’s original command to the first human couple (Adam and Eve) to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over all of creation” – Genesis 1:28

With the above biblical insight on family, it is therefore obviously obvious that to Marriage and Family are institutions ordained by God Almighty Himself, but with both man (husband) and woman (wife) having great roles to play to further make it sustainable – one of which is “Intimacy” which many of today’s (cultural) marriages lack.

Fast forward…deeper into the word “MARRIAGE”

What is Marriage – again?

Marriage is a covenant, a sacred bond between a man and a woman instituted by and publicly entered into before God and normally consummated by sexual intercourse.

Furthermore, God’s plan for the marriage covenant involves at least the followi five (5) principles:

(1). The Permanence of Marriage: Marriage represents a serious commitment that should not be entered into lightly or unadvisedly. It involves a solemn promise/pledge, not only to one’s partner but before God. In other words, divorce is not and never permitted/allowed! Marriage is intended to be permanent, since it was established by God. Remember what Matthew 19:6 (KJV) says; “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder”. Read Mark 10:9 to learn more.

(2). The Sacredness of Marriage: Marriage goes beyond just a civil union; it is a relationship before and under God. I’m not going to spend more time here, but I humbly urge you to read the Book of Genesis 2:22 for..

(3). The Exclusiveness of Marriage Marriage is not only permanent, sacred or otherwise, it is exclusive! This simply means no other human relationship, I repeat, no other human being must interfere with the marriage (which starts from serious/committed relationship to dating to courtship between two opposite sex) commitment between husband & wife.

Read 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 & Genesis 2:22-25

(4). The Mutuality of Marriage: Marriage is a relationship of free self-giving of one human being to another (Eph. 5:25-30). Partners are to be (first and foremost) concerned about the well-being of the other person and to be committed to each other in steadfast love and devotion. This also involves the need for forgiveness and restoration of the relationship in the case of sin.

NOTE: Mutuality here doesn’t mean equality (sameness) in role. Remember what the Scripture teaches about this; wives are to submit to their husband’s (in everything) & to serve as their “HELPMATES” Ephessians 5:22-24. Also Genesis 2:18-20 & Colossians 3:18.

(5). INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

Yes! This is where we’re going to dwell on more.

Marriage is the most intimate of all human relationships, uniting a man and a woman in a “one flesh union” (Gen. 2:23-25). Marriage involves leaving one’s family of origin and “being united” to one’s spouse, which signifies the establishment of a new family unit distinct from the two (Partners) originating families.

Get this fact known and registered; “one flesh” suggests sexual intercourse and normally procreation, at its very heart the concept entails the establishment of a new kinship relationship between two previously unleashed individuals (and families) by the most intimate of human bonds.

“And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called WoMan, because she was taken out of Man.

Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and we’re not ashamed.” ~ Genesis 2:23-25

In addition, Mark 10:6-9 says; “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife; then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put assunder.”

From the above biblical extracts, it is no more news that Marriage does not happen by default or accident. It is never an accident at all! Marriage has always been divine – God’s plan! This means it has to be a concerted effort of both Parties. Therefore, must agree to it and strive to make it work. Amos 3:3

(Ezekiel 37:8)

In Genesis 2:23; Adam said “this is now the bone of my bones…” mbok, what does this imply to you? Don’t get your brain cracked up, I’ll explain briefly; when bone locates bone in marriage, they become one (flesh) and stronger!

P.S: husband and wife are not mates but helpmates.

What Brings About Marital Intimacy?

(i). Acceptance: Strength, weakness, opportunity, & threats are all found in marriage, and for it to work, they both must accep each other – always (Mark 10:8). No one is good let alone being perfect, & so we must learn to accept each other’s flaws. “Ephesians 5:28-29 says; “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.”

(ii). Agreement: there must be an agreement between man (husband) and woman (wife)

a. Husbands and wives must always set goals together and make it black and white. Heb. 2:15-16

b. Set priorities of goals together – a must!

c. Availability of resources must both be considered and worked on together.

d. Giving attention to others is a must.

e. Breaking tides with distraction.

f. Creating time for each other is a must! Heb. 3:6

(iii). Service: husband and wife must be ready to serve each other thus:

a. Reverence each other

b. Must sacrifice for each other – regardless. Agreed!

c. Couple must practice the 3Cs in marriage:

i. Celebrate,

ii. Comfort and

iii. Cuddle each other like #Nsido?

d. Couple must correct each other in love. But must avoid correction by debasing your partner.

e. Communication is key! Let’s go lengthy here by looking at the roles communication play in marriage, as follows:

i. It breaks that partition in marriage Hebrew 13-15

ii. It breaks trust and transparency if you’re not discussing, you’ll end up having catalogue of offenses – now & then.

iii. It leaves room for wrong assumptions by both Partners, & assumptions creates issues where there might seem not to be any – in the first place.

iv. If it lacks in marriage, it turns once Love Birds to Strangers.

v. It opens the wall for Lizards, if it’s lacking in marriage…

What Are The Things That Make Communication Effective?

i. Communication must be timely – make it at the right time.

ii. Communication barriers of ambiquity must be removed – make it simple!

iii. The language and tone must also be considered. Be (very) polite and calm when communicating it with your partner.

iv. Marital communication must be devoid of intents of anger and insults.

Some of us may still fall victim to the belief system that “true love happens naturally” and the implication that “work need not apply” to loving relationships. If you are guilty of this type of thinking, you may be in trouble. The reality is, real love takes real work and effort, long after the move-in date or the exchanging of vows. But knowing how to build it is another subject entirely.

Let this article prepare you to get started with some marriage intimacy exercises frequently recommended in couples’ therapy. These intimacy activities for couples will work wonders for your married life – if tried out!
Let’s study them together as follows:

1. Extra Long Cuddle

Let’s kick things off with an easy one. Choose the time, whether at night or in the morning, and spend that precious time just snuggling for 30 minutes at least. If you normally snuggle for this length of time, increase it to an hour.

Why it works?

Physical closeness is one of the hallmarks of bonding.

The pheromones, kinetic energy, and chemical reactions that happen just by snuggling with your loved one create the sense of connectedness necessary in healthy relationships.

2. Breathing Connection Exercise

Like many intimacy exercises, this one may seem silly at first, but open your mind to trying it and you may just love

it. You and your partner will face one another seated, and lightly touch your foreheads together, eyes closed. You will begin to breathe, deep, intentional breaths in tandem. The recommended number of breaths in tandem starts at seven (7); but you and your partner can participate for as many breaths as you like.

Why it works?

The touch, and the experience of the touch, aligned with the breathing, brings about natural feelings of connectedness through the shared energy exchanged via the brow or “third eye” chakra. This may tap into some of our most primal resources in our ability to engage in spirituality and to exchange energetic forces through organic means.

3. Soul Gaze

In this exercise, u are merely sitting faced to one another and will stare into one another’s eyes, imagining that the eyes are a “window into the soul”. As many of these types of exercises may seem corny at first, this one is a classic. Though you may indeed feel awkward in the beginning, as you get used to sitting and gazing into one another’s eyes the exercise becomes relaxing and meditative. Try putting it to music so that you have 4-5 minutes of timed focus.

Why it works?

This type of exercise tends to slow things down. It should be done several times per week for maximum benefit. In today’s busy world, focusing for 4-5 minutes just gazing into one another’s eyes helps the couple to relax and regroup. Yes, it is okay to blink during the exercise, but try and avoid talking. Some couples use a 4 or 5 minute song to set the background & time.

4. Three Things

You and your partner can play this one however you like.

One of you may state your things all in one go, or you may alternate. Think of the questions you want to ask; write them down if it helps.

The questions will be phrased as such:

What 3 things will you want to eat for dessert this month?

What 3 things will you be sure to take with you on an adventure to a tropical island?

What 3 things do you hope to do together that we haven’ttried?

These are merely examples; you get the idea.

Why it works?

This is a communication exercise . It enhances the bond between u by increasing communication skills, and provides knowledge of one another’s thoughts, feelings, & interests. It is also helpful as interests can change over time. The answers will also yield information that will most likely prove useful in the future.

5. Two Ears, One Mouth

In this active listening exercise, one partner talks or “vents” on a topic of their choosing, while the other partner must sit facing them, merely listening and not speaking. The both of u may be amazed at how unnatural it can feel to actually just listen without speaking. After the five minute, three minute, or eight minute rant is over, the listener then is free to express feedback.

Why it works?

Active listening practice is another communication exercise that enhances our ability to truly listen and take in another’s stream of consciousness. Focusing on them intently without distractions, gives them the sense of our undivided attention; something of vital importance but of which is rare in today’s busy world. Intentional listening also reminds us to stay focused on the other person without asserting our opinions prematurely. At the end of this exercise, you will exchange places as speaker/listener.

Additional Bedtime Couples Exercises and Tips for better Intimacy (base on research)

Here are some amazing bedtime routines to incorporate in your daily lives for better intimacy:

i. Keep Your Phones Away: Not only is keeping the phone away great for your relationship, having zero electronic light is also beneficial for sleep hygiene as well. It will really work wonders for the quality of sleep that you’ll be able to get.

Prioritize your connection with your partner for some time before you doze off – talk about the day, your feelings or anything else that’s on your mind. Make sure to switch off the phones or light a few fragrant candles or two to bond better.

ii. Sleep Naked: Taking all your clothes off before you sleep has proven health benefits (it regulates cortisol, is great for genital health, and improves skin quality too).

Additionally, it also allows you and your partner to have more skin on skin contact which results in the release of oxytocin. Plus, it makes having sex in the morning so much more easier!

iii. Massage Each Other: Massaging each other is a great routine to keep! Imagine you’ve had a tough day and are being pampered by your partner with a loving massage. Whatever your reason, massage is a great tool for enhanced relaxation before bedtime and couples connection.

iv. Show Gratitude: Do you know what sucks at the end of the day? Criticism. Now replace that with gratitude and you’ll see what a difference it makes to your life. Say thanks at the end of the day to your spouse and you’ll notice how rewarding life becomes.

v. Have “Good” Sex: The best way to reconnect at night as a couple is to have sex! Of course, you cannot do it ever single day. But, do engage with each other intimately/sexually and explore new and limitless options every single night.

Dedicate at least 30-60 minutes of your day to the health of your relationship with your spouse and witness the upward spiral effect of it in all areas of your lives…#Nsido?

May God help us all as we press towards making our marriage works. AMEN!!!

#love #IntimacyinMarriage
#blissfulmarriage #NsidoMovement
#marriage & #family

I remain #kingJoseph the @strategist_kj
Mr Nsido?

DON’T CHEW MORE THAN YOU CAN SWALLOW

RelationshiptipbyKJ


Don’t Chew More Than You Can Swallow
By king Joseph (the @strategist_kj)

Edited By: Ms Adebukola Ijaola (@qbs_creatives)
Co-edited By: Ademuyiwa Castrol

Languages Used: Simple English For All (SEA), Efik, Pidgin and Yoruba

Dialogue:
Talking to my Ghetto Soljas.
#TeamNsido? #TeamStreet

king Joseph: “How far naw, omo iya mi (my blood)? Hope say evri evri dey go well with you ba?”

Jamani: “Boss, awa wa o…in chorus; “awon ota lo jon.
“Bo se ma je niyen Oga mi, Olorun, no shakement in your own voice” (actually, Don invented that word…smiles) he added.

Don’t chew more that you can swallow…lest you vomit – literary

It Begins…
I smiled because, I was happy with that response considering the strength and strong spirit that came with it – perhaps, in it. Despite the effects of this economy crisis of our once the obvious ‘Giant of Africa’. He believes in his hustle still – my kind! Nsido?
He looked down casted & worried somehow though (considering the magnitude of his challenges…just recently, his younger brother publicly humiliated/almost beat him up ‘a family man’ because he’s not financially capable) – he’s a man; it happens to all – we feel tired somehow often times “HUMAN BODY”.

He’d run to me for consolation whenever he’s down, hence, I took good advantage to reignite his fire to enable him know why he has to speak to what will bring about that #PEACEFULLIFE (which in every sane land, everyone strives for nothing short of). And so, I decided to ‘help’ encourage him, thus: “Omo iya mi, Don’t Chew More Than You Can Swallow’. Never try it, not even when you feel like, because of the kind of challenges life is throwing at you for some while now. Hey, bro! I have mine too, but the only thing that helps to keep me going is this popular saying; ‘tough times don’t last, tough people do’. I try not (especially, more now) to run faster than my shadow – no man can! So as not to miss that right path that brings about great achievements, happiness and PEACE of mind to me – to ‘Us’.

I don’t know, but I think that might as well work for you – if you try it more? Still same? I know but he sighed and said; ‘ ohun yen niyen, Oga mi. Baba in spirit, o shey’. Flattered (I smiled), but I don’t know, I just wanted to take control – perhaps. I wanted him (you) to see at least a high point in my talking mood. Listen, my brother, it will all CONNECT soon, regardless. Iyanu ma shele, everything go fall in place no matter how far you’ve been hustling harder, endeavor to do the following:
1. Try to be as humble as you can to all that cross your path in life.

2. Run from debt (unnecessary ones).

3. Oh, permit me, be as faithful as you can to God and love all!

4. Be kind to mankind, no barrier.

5. Be generous – in your little way…

6. Pay your tithes regularly (which I am also trying hard to make a habit now).

7. And try as much as possible to be in peace with everyone – not bear grudges with any – regardless (if you do find yourself already doing this, then endeavor to make amend) even when you think you are not fully at fault (perhaps something triggered your anger, don’t worry, it is normal, we all human, we all have our limits – every man. We all get pushed to the wall (some over the wall) and at this moment, we feel like turning back to face ‘IT’; we get mad, very paranoid, we feel like pouring our minds out – opening the bottle tends to be the only solution. And some, feel like breaking things, throwing foul languages at the other, throwing punches and kicks will want to sound the best reaction to them while some will feel like resigning from their bills – paying job to freely express their anger et all…

Fine! None of that is bad (so to say, since we’ve been mandated not to judge anyone), but remember, anger destroys and can never be repaired. Do you think your reactions to that situation/attack will bring you the divinely deserved #PEACE and true fulfilment, now and aftermath? Never will it bring you that PEACE you’ve been longing for. The moment you let anger out of your life, then, that PEACE finds you, enter to your life, eat and dime with you. Let what people do to you matter less, be content, be appreciative, see things God’s way, never try to be who you’re not, never envy your fellow human achievements and never look down on yourself or anybody for every time on the clock repeats itself each new day. Use your time wisely cos the next second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year may not favour you. Whatever the Lord gives you, appreciate it and don’t ever forget to give Him praise and worship because that’s one of the ways you can make Him happy.

He’s a dependable God who sees and knows everything and He’s the only unfailing God who does things in miraculous ways which no man can comprehend. To achieve your destiny, you will surely come across bridges or mountains that are very difficult to cross but don’t forget that with God all things are possible.

Listen, no matter how hard the situation you find yourself might be, do not panic or get blown by the wind, thereby dipping your hands in what might end in regret. Know that it has been like that since after the first ‘disobedience; ‘…and man shall sweat to eat…’ but in the end, you’re coming out of it all. Trust GOD for your victory, #Nsido?

Moreover, do not forget that you still have the capacity to change that situation, provided you take it to HIM and be more perseverance .yes, YOU CAN DO IT! Just remain steadfast and keep your FAITH in HIM high. With GOD, everything is P.O.S.S.B.L.E! However, trust the vision (if you don’t have one, create it today and work towards it), believe in yourself like #Nsido?

I have my challenges too. But, hey, this is me, I keep the hustle going and the dream alive. Let me confess to you, King Joseph Success World is an empire – a dream, a vision in progress. Yes, I’M KING JOSEPH, the DREAMER. Even Success MEDIA Africa is named after my unborn Son (Success), which nothing can stop from coming to pass…I’m a WORK in process, because GOD is a GOD of processes…mbok, coming to that another day, #Nsido?

I am not writing this epistle as a rich or made man, but as a typical HUSTLER just like you…yes, you, #Nsido?

Interestingly, there’s always at least a very goof reason for every situation, hence there’s at least a positivity in every challenges (if you look deep, remember that Yoruba saying; ‘ti oju baa fara bale, aa ri’mu’?

At times, God actually wants us to learn something new that’ll catapult us to our #greatness. At times, He’s helping us to avert some unseen evil first – to clear the road for us, perhaps to make us live longer and be stronger…Remember, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. The best time to be calmer is that trying moments. And so, that is the best time to move closer to and build the most cordial (intimate) relationship with the ONE ‘GOD’ who can do all things with ease and bless us according to Hid riches in glory. We need His mercy and grace more at such period. Don’t go far from His presence and you’ll see Him turning the #tides in your FAVOUR, the ones that’ll make the world scream; ‘God, #Nsido?’ on your behalf!

Believe and be positive in whatever you do (be it good or bad) because whatever we sow we shall reap. For as long as there’s no short cut to the heavenly kingdom of our Father (God), and so, there’s no short cut to #success. There are shortcuts to everything devilish but to everything pure and good are divine journey. It is very certain that any life committed to Jesus cannot be wasted. Faithfully run to Him all the days of your life, surrender all to Him and He will never disappoint you.
Your friends/mates have all made it to the top, enh, agreed, but remember, no late Comer. Besides, our destiny and timing differ, so please, I urge you again, mbok, #DontChewMoreThanYouCanSwallow
#Nsido?

DOES TRUST GUARANTEE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP II? – king Joseph

#RelationshipTip:

does trust guarantee a successful relationship?

Author: king Joseph (the @strategist_kj)

 

Table of Contents

Preface……………………………………………………………………….……….1

Any Solution Aside Trust?…………………………………………………..2

Fear…………………………………………….……………………….…….……….3

Trust………………………………………………………………………….……….4

Acceptance…………………………………………………………………………5

Acceptance, Non-attachment and Healthy Love……………….6

Non-attachment is still Caring………………..……….………………7

 

  1. Preface

And it shouldn’t, anyway!

When I ask most people how they feel about the risk of infidelity, there are two main answers I usually get, although which are most common. The answers are:

1st “I worry about my partner cheating”

2nd “I trust my partner and believe he/she won’t”

At the same time, there are also very small groups who brush it off with “I just try not to think about it” or even “I wouldn’t care,” but trust me, they’re the minority, you dig…#Nsido?

The second viewpoint, “trust,” is what we uphold and sell to each other as the goal, being one of two secrets to a good and successful relationship – the other being COMMUNICATION – as strongly emphasized in the first part of this article (posted on facebook few months back).

But where does the second one get you? You’re still hanging your emotional wellbeing on someone else’s actions, and if they veer off course, you’re surrendering (or rather, denying) agency over your own happiness. And I ask, #Nsido?…answer me naw…smiles…well, never mind – I can construe your muteness.

  1. Any Solution Aside Trust?

Yes, of course, there’s a better solution than trust!

And it’s something closer to love: “I understand what I do and do not control, that I do not control anything outside of me, and I don’t try to change that. I invest my emotional wellbeing in things I control.”

Assuming I’m on a plane as I write this, so let’s take air travel as an example.

There are two main types of air travelers:

                 1st Traveler: “I am afraid of flying”

2nd Traveler: “I trust that we won’t crash”

Of course, we have a few people who say “I just try not to think about it” or – the truly deranged;  “I wouldn’t care if we crashed.”

  1. Fear

Let’s take another instance on someone who’s always terrified of flying, despite being a manager in finance and having to occasionally travel for work. You know, this person starts each flight heavily self-medicated and ends each flight emotionally fatigued.

You hear them say, after each landing; “Every time I land safely, I feel like I’ve cheated death”

They’re terrified that they have no control over the situation, and her fear is really desperation for control.

But the truthful truth is, you don’t control the plane. You will never have control over the plane. And in the same sense, you will never have control over another human being! HEY! #Nsido? Don’t argue it – agreed!

  1. Trust

A lot of people lean on this one. They point to the statistics  –  more people die in car accidents than plane crashes  –  and they reassure themselves “pilots are professionals  –  they do this every day.” And both of those are true, but what if hell does freeze over? What if that .000001% odd does occur?

To trust is to live in a play-pretend world believing you are special and immune to statistical risk. And maybe you are. Maybe you’re the majority.

And, more importantly, to “trust” alone is to put ourselves at more emotional risk than we need to.

Trusting alone is being over-leveraged and exposed to the heartbreak we’ll experience if it does happen. (And statistically, it could.)

Wanting it, wishing, and hoping aren’t emotional protection.

Where is “trust” going to leave you if the plane is going down, or your partner does cheat? Those subsequent moments are going to be ones of very negative emotions — probably the same ones as the worried woman next to you, except she’ll also be internally (or externally) screaming: “I knew it! I just knew it!”

  1. Acceptance

I am not afraid of flying, but it’s not because I point to the statistics or necessarily even trust the pilots…my brother, a jet pilot in the Air Force, distrusts commercial pilots more than anyone I know. Quote me on this…now!

It’s because I respect the limitations of what I control (now), and I don’t let emotions  (anymore) –  fear included  run wild with what I don’t.

I 101% trust my partner won’t cheat on me. I believe this not only from a position of belief, but rationale. In other words: she is both incredibly loyal and incredibly picky. I trust her (now). But I don’t dump my emotions into what she does.

Just like I also trust that she won’t die in a car accident after I kiss her goodbye in the morning. I believe this, but I also understand that I don’t control this, and I have emotional insurance and a contingency plan in the horrible event that it happens.

I trust. But I also don’t hang my emotional wellbeing on something that is out of my control. NO, I don’t…#Nsido?

I trust that a coffee shop is going to be open. I trust that the street light will turn GREEN – you dig that? I trust that my flight will be on time.

But if it isn’t, it doesn’t destroy me. I deal and don’t hang my emotional wellbeing on external things.

  1. Acceptance, Non-attachment, and Healthy Love

Accept that we have no control over the situation. Look at it, stare it in the face, and say “you belong to the universe, and so do I. Neither you nor the world are my domain.” Lobatan!…#Nsido?

These are the same stance we take with our partners.

It may sound cynical or pessimistic, but it’s not.

It’s not assuming our partner will cheat. It’s still trusting they won’t while respecting that they are their own people, and not confusing our emotions with what we’re actually entitled to.

Trust for Clients – it’s the same way we treat anything else in life …GBAM! I trust that if we make them happy, our clients will want to continue working with us. But I construe that they may one day call me up and say “we’re going with someone else.” Which is not unusual – not in any way, my dear…#Nsido?

Although, it’s very disappointing – so heartbreaking, yeah. It’s fucking shitty  like #Nsido?  I do anything I can to avoid that happening, in my relationship with anyone (especially with my Partner-in-love) and if it does happen, to bring them back. But at the end of the day, I respect that they are running a business, and make their own decisions.

Understanding isn’t cynicism; it’s respect and care for other beings.

It’s eyes-wide-open and open-hearted and fully honest. And most importantly, it is relaxed. It is relaxed not in a denial or blind optimism or “hoping” kind of way, like “trust”, which leaves us vulnerable to being destroyed emotionally should the thing occur.

It’s looking things straight in the eye and saying “I see you for what you are, not what I wish for, and I accept you either way.”

And this is (real) LOVE. I board each flight knowing full well the risks, and not denying them, and I live my life respecting the fact that it can be taken away. I enter relationships the same way now – NO FEAR of the unknown! Know this, fear of the unknown causes unnecessary distrust and gives room for unexpected heart problems – so why give room for it in the first place, #Nsido?

Remember, there are so many things you cannot change, and LIFE OCCURRENCES are just one of these things, followed by human beings. That reminds me what my younger sibling said some years (2002 to be precise) back while I was trying to scold her for doing something (that she was somehow used to) I thought was wrong in the house. After our Mum’s interference, I just looked at her and said; “you’d better change now before you move to your adulthood (which was just few more years to)…” and instantaneously, she replied me in a joking, but serious tone thus; “why or rather how should I change when I’m not a cloth?” Honestly, to me then, that was not just a response, but a very strong (sharp) WORD from a girl of 15! Even our Mom was shocked (to hear that from her) I turned back to face her with a straight-face question, thus I retorted; “Bidemi, what do you mean you’re not a cloth, so you can not change or what?” and now with laughter, she explained; “shey eyin o mo wipe aso ni eyan le paro, won kii n paro iwa. Nitori pe, eefin ni, no matter how you try to cover it up, o maa ru jade shaa nii, so my lovely brother, you cannot change nature, you can only adjust your ways. However, I’m sorry for my actions.”

Lesson learned from my little Sister! A lot will happen in this life (that we cannot change) and in most cases lots of disappointments, put-downs, heartbreaks, betrayal, backstabbing et al by our loved ones – even the ones we trusted most and least expected any of these things from, and we feel so bad and at times try to change them, but the truth is that we just can’t, hence so many end up in a seemingly worse situation (health-wise and otherwise) they never expected, just because they have trusted and put their lives on someone / something so much as if their lives depend on them, that when these things (put-downs) occur, they find themselves at a crossroad? …#Nsido? (why?), They have trusted so much that they never believed they could be let down by them, let alone prepare for it! Talking from EXPERIENCE here – and experience they say “is the best teacher”! In other words, I have learnt lots of lessons in relationship – still in the process though.

I am independent of my partner. And so, my emotional wellbeing is independent of her actions (now).

7.     Non-attachment is still Caring

I would obviously care if my plane went down. I would care if my partner cheated. I would still be afraid if we crashed, and hurt if my partner cheated, but the difference is that, rationale would kick in and remind me, “my partner is her own person, on her own journey. You don’t control her. The only thing you have control over is your own response.”

It’s understanding the domain of our control, the limits to the authority of our emotions, and where to hang our wellbeing. Understanding and respecting the limitations of our control.

We are responsible for our own wellbeing, and we should hang our wellbeing on the thing we control , which is our MINDSET!

We let the rest exist with ACCEPTANCE, which is the same as LOVE.

The online weekly #RelationshipTip program by my humble self (king Joseph) coming back soon…every Sundays as usual – this time, stronger…#Nsido?

 

Relationship Tips: KNOW THE FAMILY AND DO THE RIGHT THING! – King Joseph

AUTHOR: King Joseph
Founder/Chief Publicity Strategist,
Success MEDIA Africa.
(a division of King Joseph Success World).

Language Used: SEL (for all)

PRELUDE: Looking into one of the major problems (ignorance of the new age) we face in our relationships. The one we never really think of or take serious these days.

HOLY BIBLE REFERENCES – knowledge:
Fair warning: I know some may be angry with me, for this honest and helpful write-up, but I still have to proceed with what I’m about to write on, for the Holy Bible says; “we should preach the truth in love” [Ephessians 4:15] and I humbly suggest you pick up your Bible and read John 6:60-66
God also tells us through the Prophet Hosea: “My people perish, for a lack of knowledge.” [Hosea 4:6]. And we still do!

Bible References – On Relationship / Dating:
Though, there’s no place in the Bible, that relationship or dating is being discussed. However, since marriage starts from RELATIONSHIP, to DATING, to courtship before leading to marriage, so, what does the Bible say about marriage?

“So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.
And God blessed them, and God said to them,
“Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it.”
Book of Genesis 1:27-28

Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother
and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Book of Genesis 2:24…meaning, the Parents sincere consents and full blessings are highly needed in every relationship that has to do with “love” especially.

One can see from the Bible and the very biology of the human body that it is natural for a man and a woman to be together.

God created woman because “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). From the beginning of time, as recorded in the Book of Genesis, God planned for man and woman to unite in love and harmony for continuity of his creation, the human race.

True love between a man and a woman leads to marriage. Marriage brings mutual comfort and a family. Children are the fruit and bond of a marriage. The family provides a framework for each family member to grow as a person in love and security.

Now, let’s look at what love really is.
WHAT IS LOVE?
“Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love.”
1st John 4:8

Love is the favorite subject of artists and poets throughout the ages. “Romeo and Juliet,” William Shakespeare’s story about two star-crossed Lovers, is one of the most moving plays ever written (we all know what the major obstacle to their love in this story was…)

The loving kindness of Jesus and Mary’s love for the Christ child are evident on paintings throughout the West (but we all know what happened to them as a result of one’s family disapproval of the relationship).

Also Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote impassioned love poems to her husband Robert Browning (true love with no unity).

I want to believe we are familiar with Alfred Lord Tennyson’s famous line, “Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”

The poet Kahlil Gibran wrote “Love is to know the pain of too much tenderness,” and “Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”

Popular music is filled with the subject of love, such as Stardust, the Twenties classic;
“Earth Angel” by the Penguins, perhaps the first rhythm and blues song to become a national favorite in 1954;
“Love is a Many Splendored Thing” by the Four Aces in 1955;
“Time in a Bottle,” the number one ballad by the late Jim Croce in 1973;
“My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion, the theme song from the 1997 movie Titanic…hmm love oh love displayed by these people; and the number one country song “Would You Go With Me” by Josh Turner in 2006. The beautiful love song “Home” by Philip Philips in 2012 is the only recording to ever make the top ten three times in one year. Love makes the world go round!

Loving someone and being loved brings happiness. There are many loves in one’s life, such as your spouse or sweetheart, your parents, your family and children, or your best friend. We all want and need love. This is essential to the human race. We need to help each other, cooperate with each other, and reaffirm each other.

Mystery and a kind of mysticism surround love.
Hmm…my question for you now is; why do people fall in love?

Sighs…the heart is the seat of the emotions, one of the three spiritual centers of the person, along with the intellect and the will. It was the French writer Blaise Pascal in his Pensées who said “Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point”
Meaning: “the heart has its reasons of which the mind knows nothing.”

The higher emotions, such as love, joy, sorrow, or contrition, cannot be willed, but suddenly well up in a person, and pervade his whole being.

God is important to our love relationship, there’s no any doubt about this.
Even the greatest Fools know this, so AGREED!!!

Love of God grows as you mature in life. We become grateful for all His gifts, such as the beauty of creation and our family. And we become especially grateful for His forgiveness when we fall. His gifts to us are so plentiful that it becomes only fair and natural that we love him. We begin to appreciate that “God is love.” He is a wonderful example of love, because His love is unconditional. We are the happiest when we are living in harmony with God and nature. Someone who loves God will strive to be good, honest, and faithful, and develop all the values necessary to sustain a love relationship through the years.

Let me remind you of the Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855) who stresses this important point in Works of Love: “Worldly wisdom thinks that love is a relationship between man and woman. Christianity teaches that love is a relationship between man-God-woman, that is, that God is the middle term.” He then contrasts this with romantic love: “when love ceases, people say these two have a ‘falling out.’ The bond is broken. When a relationship is only between two, one always has the upper hand in the relationship by being able to break it, for as soon as one has broken away, the relationship is broken. But when there are three, one person cannot do this. The third, as mentioned, is love itself, which the innocent sufferer can hold to in the break, and then the break has no power over him.”

So, before nailing the top of this write-up title, need I say that GOD should be your first third and only party ‘the Intermediary’ you must know first and allow in your RELATIONSHIP, even before the Parents/Family and friends.

Love gives one a sense of immortality. The existentialist Kierkegaard described love as uniting the temporal with the eternal. This is best understood when you lose someone you love, such as your mother or father. Even though your loved one has died and is no longer with you on earth, your love lives on for the one you cherish, regardless.

C. S. Lewis in his book “The Four Loves” describes four kinds of human love:
i. affection,
ii. romantic
iii. love,
iv. friendship, and the love of God.
STORGE, or affection, is the natural love a parent has for a child, while, EROS, or romantic love, is the desire two have for each other.
Plato considered eros something like poetic rapture upon seeing the beauty of another. Eros is the longing for the beauty and company of the beloved when two persons fall in love. This is in contrast to someone who has sexual desire without being in love, who wants to use the other strictly for selfish pleasure. A utilitarian relationship, in which the sexual partner becomes an object for use, holds no long-term possibility for joy, fulfillment, or happiness, but rather leaves one empty, disappointed, and ultimately alone.
PHILIA is the love of friendship, but may have conditions. It gives, but may expect something equal in return.
AGAPE is true, unconditional love, a generosity of spirit which gives and expects nothing in return. It is the love that God has for us. It is love at the highest level. The more true love there is between a man and a woman, or among family and friends, the more successful the relationship.

Oh! How much I love these following famous Biblical passages about love and choosing a husband or wife.

“Place me as a seal upon your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its ardor endures to the grave.
It burns with blazing flame,
a raging fire.
Torrents of rain cannot quench love;
nor floods sweep it away.
Song of Songs 8:6-7

“Love is patient,
love is kind;
love is not jealous or boastful;
it is not arrogant or rude.
Love does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.”
I Corinthians 13:4-8

Oh! True love, sweet love as of old. This kind of love I always tell people that I cherish most, thus making an old age Lover man.
Hmm…I really wonder what has happened to the new age “love.”

Behold, relationships these days have turned upside down, that I still can not fathom how pathetic it has become now, that I can only ask:
Why?
It is obvious that, most are caused by some family/Parents/Guardians, Friends and Siblings (who I consider as unnecessary third Parties)…oh, one of my many daughters (Zainab) just mentioned “SECURITY”…but, I assume it is rather, “over-security” or still, “GREED”, SELF-CENTREDNESS”, “ENVY” et al….

Any which way, allow me proceed by giving the ordeals we now face in our suppose-to-be sweet love and enjoyed relationship. The facts so many writers shy away from, or may I say they just see as normalcy but a very big problem/obstacle to any serious relationship, despite all the good promises of agape love to us by God and the assurance by His Apostles, et al.

The Ordeals:
With the way things are going in most homes,
The way relationships are breaking;
The way so many ladies out there are so determined when it comes to breaking hearts, some even derive joy from this (evil) act,
The way some men see some women’s’ heart as just mere Oranges…,
The way we hurt our partners without feeling remorse about it,
The way we allow insecurity in our relationships – this has broken so many relationships right before their own eyes…hmmm.
The way we allow our partners go in silent pains and agony and never realized or cared about it.

Lots of men/women have emotionally been traumatized, believe me, some have even lost their sanity, all in the name of “Love.”

The wrong impressions some families/parents create before their child’s/ward’s Partner.

The way some family members will just come into the already editing-in-progress picture and (jealously) decide to ruin it.

The way they detest their child’s/wards Partner with passion and will not stop at anything to destroy the relationship, while some will even go spiritual against you or your life, just because they don’t like, want you or there’s a curse or some kind of evil covenant in the family that is against your relationship or even you getting married…this is very wide to want to start explaining. I can only wish you construe this from the right angle.

Some families are so cruel and evilish (add it to your dictionary), that all they are well capable of doing is rendering you useless in life…you hear something like; “by the time we make him lose all he has that makes him/her thinks he/she can take our “tool” or “successor” away from me/us. And this is either because; the one in question is truly their tool as they claim, physically or spiritually, or of a truth, consciously/unconsciously their successor in the spiritual realm. My dear, ma teri si o…I implore you to distantly avoid this kind of family, once you have “gracefully” discovered this!
Listen, some parents/parent (or siblings/friends) can do anything to stop your relationship, separate you, cause misunderstanding, disagreement, unusual and frequent quarrels/fights, frustrate your life and some even lead to death (here, their mission is accomplished. Lobatan!)…hmm, please, know the “family” (parents/guardians) first!

Some family members are so frustrated in life that, anyone who is coming in as an in-law-to-be MUST be very wealthy regardless, or capital “NO” is the only word existing in the dictionary. The love and care you “guys” share does not concern them a bit, because they already have a suitor for their child/ward. GREED and SELF-CENTREDNESS!!!

There are types of people who only care about flashy things…I call them “Instant Noodles” family, because they don’t care about tomorrow, what they only know is sharp, sharp, as e dey hot; they are too hungrily dependent that the moment you stop giving them is the moment you turn their “worst in-law” they’re already making plans to change Client (you)…you have expired, as far as they are concerned! Is this what you want? Are you sure you can handle or manipulate this kind of situation?

They don’t care what the Partner is into, if he/she likes mey hin be Yahoo guy, Ashewo (sex worker), Gbewiri (armed robber), money Ritualist, etc…listen, they – DON’T – GIVE – A – DAMN!

Therefore, my dear, please, I implore you to stay away sharp, if you know you’re not in that category,…oh, you are the good guy/girl who still believes in his/her self worth and future, so, you’re not ready to join such for love, I repeat, STAY AWAY! Do not try to prove anything. Just wish him/her good luck and peacefully, walk away, while you still can, and your life with you.
Sighs…there is nothing as dangerous, and if care is not taken, as quick to–take-ones-life as being in a relationship with/marry the wrong one and especially, from a wrong house.

The Principal Cause?
Yes! I also know that it’s long been widely known and accepted that Devil does not want any peaceful home/marriage (starting from dating). Agreed! But behind every problem, there is at least a corrective solution, like one of my favorite quotes says: “If you are able to yourself, then you have no competition. All you have to do is get closer and closer to that essence.” So, what we should be asking and focusing on for now, is:

The Way Forward?
I really cannot remember if I asked the question, but I sure do remember that I was lying down on the bed, trying to sleep for a while, when I came about it. And I rose up! So I am throwing it to you; What is the way …. Oh! I think I have an ancient insight first, and that is;

The Origin:
Here, I think one of the major problems we are facing is from our poor negligence and CIVILIZATION. Hence, we need to revisit our true culture – the importance of knowing the family/parents, before serious commitment with that special person is allowed to come in.

Oh! That reminds me of one of (Dr) Saheed Osupa’s epic songs, titled : “OLAJU DE” talks more about how marriage was being carried out in the days of the old…gone were the days

the lyrics go thus;
“…olaju deee
Olaju de, lawa gbagbe asa idile wa…” (Meaning; we’ve forgotten our culture due to civilization).

Time is really calling our attention back to the old ways of doing things the right way. These days, we really do not care about where the prospective partner is from “by see,” too but, “by say” alone– NO!!!

We all have fallen victims of this severally, and that is why higher percentages of fresh relationships break just like egg…so easily!

Please hold on, I know you are already asking questions like, “What does he mean…kind of question, huh?
How can one marry someone without knowing the family – without the consent of the Parents vice versa?
Yes! You are right there – but, let me ask this, how many guys or ladies take time to do an underground research on that man/woman’s parent / immediate family before dating? Mind you, this does not apply to every relationships though; I am talking about intending serious relationships here.

See “Know The Differences Between Serious Relationship And A Fling” here: http://t.co/bj7wURHbLb

Knowing the family first, before proceeding with the relationship/dating (commitment) is very vital…as important as having to lay a foundation for your building construction first.

I know and still remember that, Colossians 3:20 and Ephesians 6:1-3 admonish children to obey their parents “in the Lord, for this is right” and “in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” These go hand-in-hand with Commandment five in Exodus 20:12, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you.”

I also looked in the John Macarthur study Bible to see what he has to say about these complementary verses. About the fifth Commandment he writes, “The key to societal stability is reverence and respect for parents and their authority.” About the Ephesians passage he says, “The child in the home is to be willingly under the authority of parents with obedient submission to them as the agents of the lord placed over him, obeying parents as if obeying the Lord Himself.” He also says that while verse 1 is about action, verse 3 refers to your attitude toward your parents. Finally, regarding Colossians, he writes, “The only limit on a child’s obedience is when parents demand something contrary to God’s Word.” which is where and exactly what I am hammering on here.

I believe scripturally, the starting point is your (and your boyfriend’s) attitude toward your parents. You must continue this conversation and make your decision from a position of honor and respect. They are due that, at a minimum, even if you don’t think they deserve it and regardless of what you decide. If you have any doubts about your attitude toward your mom and dad, ask your pastor or mature Christian mentors what they think about your attitude. Is it Godly?

However, what happens when you discover that the new family from which you’re going to have new parents-in-law are not ready to support your already established relationship for their own unGodly reasons?

Remember this popular Yoruba saying? “Iyawo buruku se’ ni, ana buruku ni o se’ nii.”

NOTE: these are the people you unarguably marrying and not your partner in the real sense…if they are not at peace with you, and in harmony with your togetherness, you might find it very difficult protecting that courtship/marriage on your own, irrespective of your values, beliefs about true love, or sacrifices, trust me. A lot is attached to this which I really am not going to start to worry you with, for now, but, I’ll sure like to add few more tips.

At the very beginning of the feeling(s), I humbly but strongly suggest each of the (secret) parties involved – the “Determiners” role on this, comes first here as he/she only, knows what he/she has seen, admired and unconsciously developing feelings for should make thorough research….

My dear, one thing that as a person, I have learned about such feelings…ok, I’ll try to come back to this as soon as I can…
Oh! Sorry, you say? Like I said, I am coming back to this, ok.
My dear, it is very simple! Now, I know that, God has given us the power to have control over some things and the control over our bodies and minds are part of those amazing powers!

Hey! Control the feelings first. Manage the affection or whatever it is that is captivating you about him/her – focus more on doing the right thing first…go out of your ways to know more about his/her family member(s). Try to know if you are going into even a better home away from yours, else, turn back at the early stage!

Instead of taking this step, the bulk of us want to get it done by ourselves…brother/sister, don’t be too anxious when in love with a lady/guy, that you want to do everything on your own – e dey boomerang o, I swear down. Some family ways of life , enh…dey reflect on the person’s life (and this, you might not be conscious of, because you’re already deep into that think called “love”), wey you dey fall for, only if you know what I mean here…experience, they say is the best teacher! Like they say, “Charity begins at home.” remember?

Work On The RELATIONSHIP
In addition, after successfully knowing your next destination, what you need to do, to enjoy your relationship or intending matrimony are discussed below:

When you per adventure meet someone you like (which is very normal and certain to happen), you take a step forward, make sure that the steps you’re taking are the ones towards:
Knowing her first – this is very essential, please, do not allow your feelings/emotions push/control you to just taking funny decisions as to just going straight to luring her/him into any serious thing, because you’re “funningly” (add it to your dictionary) in “it-could-be-a-self-heart-breaking” love with that fellow.
Knowing his/her past, present and her future intent(s). Know her experience so far (relationship wise) this matters a whole lots too, but may not be a criterion.

And next things you must know about him/her on your own, secretly, but wisely, in order not to arouse suspicion or insecurity, are:

i. win her heart,

ii. be convinced that the parents are God-fearing people at least, irrespective of the religion,

iii. win at least (prefer\ably the mother),

iv. know and weigh the relationship between your Partner and his/her immediate family – this is very important…!

v. make sure you at least get closer to one of his/her closest siblings and friends. You must first make sure these two categories of people like and endorse you too, and very well that they can always watch your back, anytime, any day,
vi. they must be well treated by you – make them feel very comfortable anytime they are around you,

vii. build that trust between you guys; so they can see you as one that is prepared for the journey with their Sister/Brother,

viii. display sense of responsibility,

ix. surprise her/him by knowing & (wisely) creating some kind of good acquaintances with at least some of the family members, even before he/she introduces you to them. You really do not know how much joy this action would bring to her/him and the family when they get to know what’s going on between you two.

x. and lastly, KNOW THE FAMILY/PARENTS at the early stage and DO THE RIGHT THINGS, before you drown in LOVE!

I PRAY WE DON’T FALL VICTIMS AS WE CHOSE TO LOVE!
HAVE A BLISSFUL RELATIONSHIP/MARRIAGE!!
PEACE OUT!!!

If you enjoy this piece at all, please kindly follow on:
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My Special Gift For You This New Year. – King Joseph

BE MORE CREATIVE THIS YEAR.


King Joseph

After being part of my awesome 2016, I have decided to also pay you back with this little but helpful piece, to also contribute to your successful new YEAR.

My dear Readers, to really take full advantage of this 2017, you must be ready to be more “CREATIVE” with your set goals…

C – Clarify your GOALS and continue working on being, having, and achieving more and more of the things you have set out (REAL WANTS) to achieve this year.

R – Refuse to rationalize, make excuses and Rise above others OPINIONS (they do not matter).

E – Envy and Enthusiasm: from yourself from negative emotion of ‘envy’ and replace it with the positive emotion of ‘enthusiasm’.

A – Attend as many seminars, workshops and summit for personal and professional growth/development as possible.

T – Take charge of your own life.
Reference Quote: “a man, as a general rule, owes very little to what he is born with – a man is what he makes of himself.” – Alexander Graham Bell.
In other words, ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY! Realize that no one else is responsible, but YOU. After doing this, trust your intuition and forge ahead!

I – Imagine No Limitation and also identify how your own thinking has created your world, then ask yourself this question: “what should or could I change?

V – VALUES: clarify your values in this year (starting from now) and beyond – remember, your values they say determines your beliefs, about yourself and the world around you.

Reference Quote: “one universe made up of all that is: and one God in it all, and one principle of being, and one law, the reason shared by all thinking creatures, and one truth.” – Marcus Aurelius
What are your VALUES?

E – Exhibit the intense burning desire of achieving your goals for the year and ensure consistency.

Above all, make a resolution to FEAR GOD, LOVE OTHERS (too), be KIND (to people) and be more HUMBLE to ALL.

HAPPY AND MORE PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR TO YOU, Sir/Ma.! My prayer is to see and hear from you ‘HAPPILY’ in December 31st (and beyond) by His grace.

Follow me on Instagram/Twitter/Facebook: @kingjoseph_sma

SAFE OUR WOMEN! – King Joseph

Safe Our Nation…

WRITER: King Joseph
Language Used: SEL (for all)

I wonder why I’ve not seen/heard anyone talked about this.

I was going to Obalende from Ikorodu recently and I saw a lady inside the bus… And I was like omg!!!

Wow! What a very naturally and stunningly beautiful fair a lady!

Hey! Please get this, I can still remember vividly how many fair women I have dated (in the past) just with lesser fingers-count…so, I really do not admire them as much as dark ladies. Black is beauty, most agreed!

But, reverse was the case with this fair and naturally beautiful a female Conductor as she possesses a beauty to behold!

Oh! Remembering the title of this write-up, I beg you permit me to say; despite, my strong self-believe and pride, (that which I think in every man, there is) I admire, love and respect women a lot. Especially the ones like the beautiful Lady (Conductor) that I saw in that TATA Bus.

Now, get my message clearly, I am not condemning her or her job. I seriously appreciate hard-working and courageous women, because, my Mum is one.

I like more, women, especially young ladies from this planet…and generation, who are always ready to go out of their ways – shame shame and do other kind of jobs/works, to earn living and become someone in life, rather than selling their bodies or stealing to survive…with silly excuses.

I want to believe you all know how hard these Conductors (Agbero/Ape’ro) work, and loudly they have to shout to get passengers in their respective Buses?
How much sweat, how dirty and rough the bulk of them look?
Well, I know you would say; “after all, they’re at work” yes they are, but don’t you also have one you do?
Is that how you look at your own work place too…oh, you say?

Anyway, that is not my point. I ran after the moving bus, (you know as e dey go for we Lasgidi nah…) for which I was hearing different Lagos ‘tarmac’ slangs like: “Ketu, Ojota, Anthony, Oshodi Eko” repeatedly.
Note: I’d intended joining the LAMATA “Blue” Bus, initially.

The voice was this sweet thick voice of a young lady, but I never noticed well, because she was backing me while I hurriedly hopped in the bus, so I don’t miss it…that na we lasgidi way o, and we don dey used to am sha, agreed (tough, I’m tired of it already, I can’t wait to get a good ride as soon as possible by the grace of God.)

Hmmm…my mouth was left ajar, upon seeing the “face” ‘before’ the “Back” I saw while jumping into the bus. I felt even sadder when she got to my side while collecting fares from the Passengers.

My goodness!!! I interjected. You just needed to see how charmingly beautiful she looks…she’s in her early twenties, I guess. Young you say, right?
Yes, what a young, hard-working, ambitious she must be too, I assume!

Meanwhile, the first question that came to my mind was; “why chose to be an “Agbe’ro” (Conductor) amongst other better jobs for a young and very beautiful girl like her around?

Only then, did I remember that, there’s no good job (lack of employment) in the country.
And the few that are available are base on man-know-man, kick-backs (males) and “let’s meet at ‘Scratch My Back I Scratch Yours’ Hotel” (females). Hmm.

Worst still, Sex Hawking, Fraud and Robbery and obviously, she “the Conductor” prefers what she’s doing to any of the aforementioned! Hmm.

Perhaps, she’s only protecting her body for her future husband, amidst the alarming rate of lack employment, ever-growing rate of prostitution; which has been repackaged with different names like: “Olosho,” “Runs Girls” etc…even though all of us know sey asewo (sex-hawker, otherwise referred to by me as Body/Dignity Trader) na asewo. What a life! Sister, that is God’s Temple you are trading for money that can not bring you true HAPPINESS in life. So get it right!

Throughout the journey, I was just staring at this young lady, definitely not lusting after her body, but appreciating her courage and strong spirit, while simultaneously appreciating her natural glowing beauty, despite the stress and sweats all over her, couple with the deformity in nature and character and look from the “job,” imagining the amount of “GREATNESS” in her and feeling pity for her…hmm.

That moment, I prayed to God: “Oh Lord please, regardless, do not allow this “beauty” waste away and make her ” destiny Helper” start locating her starting from that moment in Jesus Name.”

Immediately after solemnly rendering the prayers to God on her behalf, I remembered one of my favorite quotes and ‘take-serious’ beliefs in life, which is; “every encounter/meeting in this life is divine and for a very good purpose, either God wants you to gain/learn something from that person or the person from you.” – King Joseph

Just then! It occurred to me that, I could also be one of the destiny Helpers she needs in life, hence I decided to give her my complementary Card, (upon alighting from the bus), I asked her to please give me a call whenever she feels like changing her kind of job for better offer…

Although, I asked myself if I have that capacity to help her out of such job “bus conductor”, in which so many women, both old and young have ‘unwanted-ly’ (add it to your dictionary) found themselves doing, just to survive the increasing hardship in this country.

But, something kept convincing me that I could do it…through my “Connections” et al, even if I am not (financially) in that position to assist/help her. So, I took a step towards changing her “job” for her…
Here, I end this part of the story.

However, with this new trend of our young women resolving into conducting for commuters, some driving Keke NAPEP, and even Danfo, they may start loosing more values in out society, amongst host of other demerits like unsettled home et al, if the general Public and our government really do not look into it as soon as possible. And come to think of it, from the look of things, our government seem to be pleased with this unheard-of menace, seeing their women/mothers engaging themselves in such men-like works.
I thought they say when you empower women, you safe a Nation?
Then why our government neglecting this fact and forcing our women to do works like these in a country like ‘Nigeria’? This should be entirely discouraged! It won’t help change anything better!

Yeah! Our Celebrities and concerned Nigerians are trying their best by coming up with and introducing lots of “Women Empowerment” programs, workshops, seminars and even entertainment events to further enhance the chances of saving our Nation. Like they say; “Empower a Woman, Safe a Nation!” – Anonymous.
“Empower the young, especially the female ones, secure the Future.” – King Joseph.

PLEASE, I AM SOLICITING FOR OUR WOMEN, WE NEED MORE EMPOWERMENT (with selfless criteria…the ones for all to benefit from) PROGRAMS in our SOCIETY!

Personally, I do not think they belong to such labor market.
Time for our Churches, Mosques, more Celebrities, Elites, Politicians, Federal Ministries, Commissions, Federal Government, State Governments, Local Government and Wards, NGOs, able Individuals and all Concerned Nigerians to put up women empowerment programs more, quarterly or even annually (to start with), to take our women off the streets vice versa.

To be continued…

GOD BLESS OUR WOMEN!
GOD BLESS OUR MOTHERS!!
GOD BLESS NIGERIA!!!

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